It’s easy to interpret other people’s anger, or judgement or abuse as a reflection of who we are. It’s easy to reach spurious conclusions:
“I’m not good enough. Obviously. Why else would he (or she) be treating me like this? I’ve been positive and full of energy before. That didn’t work out. I’ve been in touch with my sexuality before. I’ve been affectionate or competent before. It only brought me heart ache. I took some chances showing up as my real self before, but I won’t be hurt again. I will spare my self of further pain. I will not give you all of me. I will not give you the real me. I will only give you part of me, so that the rest of me can be safe in my tree.”
We set up tests for people to prove that this is all true. It is what I call the “Mahana Test.” “I will not come to you with my excellence or virtue until you accept me in my compromise (what I also call “my shadow self”).
A woman, for instance, who was sexually abused is inclined to show up unsexy. Her sexuality is the source of great pain. Her abuse is also the proof that she has been and will always be nothing more and nothing less that what people can use her for. So she will test the men in her life. “Even though I’m not showing up as sexy (my former real self), if you will love me in my shadow self - if you will love me ‘as I am’ (not sexy), then I know that I have true, inner worth.”
A man who was told what a “good boy” he was, because unlike the other kids in his family, he always seemed happy and never seemed to have any significant problems or needs. This man could conclude that to be loved he must avoid being vulnerable or honest or in need of anything or anyone. He may ultimately rebel against this imposition or acting out. He wants to see if people will love him as a lunatic, or erratic, or unrestrained. “If you will love me ‘as I am’” he says - in my shadow, crazy not good boy self’ then I will I will know that I am truly loved.”
Behind all of this fear- behind these tests and sabotages is the truth about you. Because the real you is sexy! The real you actually is composed, moderate and considerate!
Joel Osteen points out that this real self is like a little chick trying to peck it’s way out of a shell of fear of false voices, and for Mahana, an inclination to keep testing people until she can prove that she will never be loved “as she is.”
Our fear of rejection and our inclination tests people’s love and acceptance dissolves in 3 stages:
1) We must be willing, in prayer and meditation, to hear the truth about yourself.
I’ve often suggested to people asking God directly, “Dear Heavenly Father, do you love me?” and then wait for an answer. The answer may not come in words, but it will come in a feeling.
I read a card once, inspired by Libby Roderick that speaks to this kind of experience:
You are beautiful in every way. You are loved in every way. You are perfect in every way- for in every way you are perfectly loved.
Your life, your love and everything about you is nothing less than a miracle.
How could anyone fail to see this?
Yet, beyond the voices of this earth, in Heaven, a song is ever playing. It is the music of truth - the perfect melody of who you really are.
Listen to this music- to this voice, and know that you are beautiful!
2) We must be willing, to say the truth about our self, even if it feels uncomfortable. We must be willing to at least consider the possibility that we are children of a living God who loves us and who’s spiritual DNA runs through our soul.
Going back to Joel’s statement about the chick, as you say the truth about yourself, it’s not that your making up something, it’s that you’re finally willing to admit and to give power now, through your voice, to what has been trying to emerge your entire life!
I was amazed just the other day as I read these outloud to my Mastery friends, just how naturally these words want to sink into me. It was like water going into a paper towel. Why? Because it’s true. We may not have played this all out yet, but it’s all in the blue print. That’s why it feels right to say it.
So as you’re reading this blog right now, stop for a moment. Stand up tall, or sit up straight and tell yourself the truth. Are you ready? Here it comes (Here you come):
I am blessed.
I am prosperous
I am successful.
I am victorious.
I am talented.
I am creative.
I am wise.
I am healthy.
I am in shape.
I am energetic.
I am happy.
I am positive.
I am passionate.
I am strong.
I am confident.
I am beautiful (I am attractive)
I am valuable.
I am free.
I am redeemed.
I am forgiven.
I am accepted.
I am accepting.
I am approved.
I am prepared.
I am qualified.
I am motivated.
I am focused.
I am determined.
I am patient.
I am generous.
I am excellent.
I am equipped.
I am disciplined.
I am empathetic.
I am full of life.
I am able.
I am compassionate.
I am competent.
I am kind.
I am secure.
I am precious beyond price.
I am of infinite worth.
I am God’s own child.
Christ atoned for me.
Insipred by Joel Osteen’s “The Power of I Am”
3) We must be willing to live the truth about ourselves.
This means you will go in the opposite direction of your Mahana tests;
If you have been showing up as un sexy to see if people will love you as you are, you will get in shape, wear makeup (if you look good in makeup), look members of the opposite sex directly in the eyes and take the chance that something could spark! How fun!
If you’ve been showing up as unmotivated, you will light a fire in every area of your life. You will passionately and positively move toward your truest desires. You are a pillar of action!
This is really you! Why would you test someone to see if they will love you in your shadow self when your real self is so much more fun?
And that’s the whole point Mahana, why are you testing us in your compromise when it would be so much more fun to love us in your excellence.
Click here for this week’s homework possibilities, featuring listing 5 to 10 of the above affirmations on your bathroom mirror and saying them every morning for at least a week.
Click here for these week's affirmation