Nightly Check-In

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Table of Contents
Sharing Positives
Sharing Breakthroughs
Sharing Issues (Issues Management at Nightly Check-In)
U.S.A, Requests

Sharing Positives

1) What was the best part of your day? 
 What is something you're grateful for or appreciate about yourself, or me, or anything?
3) How did the Lord bless you today? 
4) What is something you like about me, yourself or anything?
5) What is something you are proud of, with yourself or with me?

Try to feature current highlights, contributions and come-throughs.  If you're first starting, this can be awkward.  We understand that.  Get creative- even if you enjoy your spouse's hair color, new shoes or are proud that he gets up every morning and keeps trying etc. - whatever you can think of.  You can even repeat things each night if you need to.  

Sharing breakthroughs

6) What is something you've learned today? or 
7) Did you have any breakthroughs?
8) What worked for you today?
What didn't work for you today? (What did you learn from this?)
10) What's your biggest challenge right now?'  (Note, this cannot be about your spouse) 
11) Were there any moments that you chose fear today? (competition, overwhelm, pride, rightness, scarcity, apathy, defensiveness, avoidance etc.)**
12) Were there any moments you chose love today? (service, giving someone your full attention, complimenting someone etc.)
13) How did something turn out to be different than it is or was (today)?
14) How did you unnecessarily judge someone or something today?
15) How did you not completely tell the truth today?
16) Who inspired you today, and how? (or who did you inspire and how)
17) What are your top 1 to 3 current personal issues? (vs. interpersonal).  In other words, stuff inside you i.e. fear of death, low self esteem, resistance to my children's choices, lack of vision etc.)   or...
18) What do you think are the top 1 to 3 things missing in your life? (NOT couple stuff) or... 
19) What is it you're not seeing? and/or 
20) What do you think you'd be willing to do about it (anything related to 17, 18, or 19)?  
21) What's your vision?**  

If your spouse didn't ask you a question you wanted to be asked, you can still answer i.e. "I also wanted to tell you that my biggest challenge right now is _____"

Sharing issues

Person interviewing picks between a, b & c, below

Option a) “I don't have any requests for tonight”  
This option is usually possible because if something came up today, you worked out your story about it with the Lord and ended up putting it on your issues list for another time, or just forgiving and forgetting.  Picking option a & b more than c can create an upward cycle of building trust, deepening your emotional bank accounts with each other and truly becoming best friends.

Option b) “I have a request for myself" 
If this becomes a cheer-leading opportunity, go for it i.e. Person making request of himself, for instance, might say, "My request of myself is that I get up earlier and get more exercise before going to work.”  Partner could say something like "Yes!  That sounds great!" But if your partner says "My request of myself is that I stop being such a whiner", do not say "Boy, that's for sure."  Just smile and be supportive. 


Option c) "I have a request I'd like to make of you..."  
Notes on Option C: 
**It's best to add, "Would that be O.K.?" 
**A short vent, or background leading up to the request can work as long as you're both O.K. with this and have successfully completed a relationship cleanse. Whoever is receiving even a small vent needs to check his or her emotional space first. See Managing Incoming.

U.S.A. requests


Requests must be U.S.A.

**Unloaded - As close to zero victim story, upset, distrust, disappointment as possible.

**Specific - specific, understandable and, ideally, reasonable.  

**Affirmative - if possible, something you want your spouse to do vs. not do.

Example: “Would you be willing to spend 20 minutes or so playing soccer with kids after dinner a couple of times a week?” vs. “Would you please pay more attention to the kids. You don’t seem to care much about them.”