Singles GPS - Homework Possibilities

The assignments are listed in priority, but please work them all in whatever way you are inspired to approach them.  This will look a little different for everyone.  You may also feel that some are not applicable to you.  Be honest with yourself as you decide.  Every one of these assignments can be a miracle.

If you're trying to work things out with with a boyfriend/girlfriend or fiance, be prayerful and inspired as to how this material could bless you in your current situation and/or guarantee your success in the future.   

Most importantly, please prayerfully determine how much time you're going to spend in homework, every day.  The key here is, how bad do you want what you want?   

1) Get yourself set up by clicking on Start Here.  Scroll down to: "How to use this website." 

2) Listen to "The Power of 'I Am" every day (in your car, on a walk or run etc.)   I promise you, this will be the best $21 you ever spent.  This material, if you'll listen every day for the next month, will change your thinking and your attitude to the point that everything else we're doing in "Path of Peace" will come more naturally.  Other books recommended, below, are resource books for your marriage. "The Power of I Am" is like a psychic lubricant that will allow the other books full access to your heart.

There are two things: 1) The actual issue and 2) There is what you are bringing to the issue.   
In a wider view, the circle is you. What you are bringing into every moment (and into this issue) is you - whatever that is (i.e. trust or distrust, hope or hopelessness, vibrant energy or fatigue, faith in God or a departure from God, healthy living or fast foods and diet cokes, a balanced life {independent and stable}, or a crumbling, overwhelmed, sinking titanic.)  So...    

3) Strengthen the Circle (which is you)  Your relationship and/or ability to work through issues will never be any better than you are.

    a) Get on your A-game with your health. 
You know what to do.  Reduce or eliminate caffeine, white sugar, white flour etc.  Go for whole foods. Exercise at least 20 minutes a day, even if it is just a brisk walk while you meditate, pray and listen to inspirational recordings (i.e. scriptures, talks, Joel Osteen etc.)

    b) Enhance your spiritual life
Make a written goal of how much time (minimum), each day, you will pray and/or meditate and how much time you will read scriptures (or other inspirational material if you're not into scriptures).  

Please also consider a weekly or monthly fast of some sort (either a complete fast or at least a liquid fast).  Fasting tends to empty you of your blame or victim stories and leaves a space for the real you to emerge. 

Other possibilities for enhancing your spiritual life are:  a) Spend time in Holy places  b) Write in a gratitude journal once a day c) serve your neighbors, family and your spouse (in whatever way could work for you) etc.  

The journey you are on is a very spiritual one.  Enhancing your spiritual walk will guarantee your results in your relationship walk.

Remember, in healing your relationship and working through issues, that what we're talking about is the circle (not the dot).  In the largest view, the circle (the upset, distrust, victim story etc.) you bring to the issue is you.  The circle IS YOU.  You are bringing yourself to your issues.  And if you are a vapid, characterless, Godless mess then we've got some work to do.  Because you're not going to get anywhere with the issues bringing the mess that you are to them.  

This is why we're suggesting that you get on your A-Game with your health and your spirituality!  Your relationship cannot be any better than you are.   

4) Read "Boundaries."  Prayerfully meditate on what all of this means for you.

5) Become a master of "Breakthrough."  
Click here: "Breakthrough."  Work for 5 to 30 minutes a day on this (or if ambitious, you can actually go for up to 3 hours on a single issue or inner experience).  Do not let the Breakthrough Book overwhelm you.  It's a "soft" book, meaning, you can go anywhere you're inspired to go with it, or use it as you feel inclined.  Just jump in and start practicing anything you're inspired to work with.

6) Pray for your former spouse(s) (privately, for at least 2 weeks, every day).  Click here for details.

7) 100 Things you love, or appreciate about yuour former spouse &/or yourself &/or your kids &/or members of the opposite sex (100 total, for whoever you'd like).

8) Reading List   
Please consider treating your relationship with the same degree of commitment you did your college degree (or whatever professional training you've done) by diving into these books. 

  a) Keeping the Love Your Find (Harville Hendrix) 

  b) "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson   
I suggest getting the entire book, "Hold Me Tight" on Kindle where you can listen and read.   
(Note: "Hold Me Tight" is by far my #1 pick) 

  c) The "Bonds that Make us Free" (by Terry Warner).  This is a masterpiece.  It is, however, super heavy and you may want to rotate it with "Relationship Rescue", below and "Hold Me Tight."  

Reading guidelines
I strongly suggest spending 5 to 10 minutes every night.  Enhance your reading by getting a reading buddy so you can text each other every night i.e. "What I got from tonight for me was or is __________." etc.   

Pick whatever books you're inspired to read, or perhaps others you've come across that you feel inspired to share with your spouse.  Please consider "The Bonds that Make Us Free" as your first priority.

9) Re-Framing (Revisit every Boundaryless moment)
With God, there no past, no present, no future.  It's all one.  It's all in the present.  So it can be with you if you are willing to take God's hand, go back into your past and visit every boundaryless moment- every moment you were a door mat- every moment you could have gently and lovingly taken someone by the hands, sat on a couch with him or her and explained what you need, and/or what would need to happen for you to feel good about something.   

Go back to recover yourself- to rescue yourself.  You are lost back there.  You left part of your soul back there.  Go back.  Have the hard conversations.  Do what is hard to do.  Let your heart be filled with love as you stand for him or her, as you stand for yourself, as you stand for your relationship, your family and your Heavenly Father.  

Please consider this possibility: Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, your visit into the past and your willingness to choose a path of mutual respect, strength and love is happening right now.  You are pulling your real self back from the past into this very moment.  Stay with this process for a few weeks, just a few minutes a day with every situation or moment you were ever in that you did NOT come through for someone by leading him or her into something that works for both of you.  

Notice the results:  You will stop attracting the kind of men or women you don't want.  You will start attracting the kind of people that you are.  And through the grace of God- through your willingness to hold His hand and go back into the past to get it right, you ARE amazing!  So you will ATTRACT amazing.

Note a) You may want to apologize to each person's spirit as part of your re-framing work.  

So you would revisit and re-frame a boundaryless moment, lovingly walking through this moment with boundaries (living in the centering questions) and then come forward in time, locate this person (as it were) and apologize to his or her spirit for letting him or her down.  You may also want to (as Kirk Duncan recommends), apologize to your own eternal spirit.

Note b) This kind of re-framing work isn't limited to boundarylessness, but can also include any kind of betrayal toward friends or people you've been involved with.

10) Strongly consider getting involved with addiction recovery (12 step) materials and/or meetings- Almost all relationship struggles can be summed up under in one root; love addiction.  This is the number one thing that keeps us from experiencing love, fully and completely.  

What a wonderful road you are on right now.  Step by step, through becoming more and more independent (Independent, not counter-dependent), you are opening up amazing possibilities for the right kind of person to come into your life. 

This is a rigorous journey and requires every resource you can throw at it.  This one is our favorites. 

Addiction recovery (12 step) is particularly helpful because of what we refer to as the process of "opening every door."  The theory is, that if there is any door in your heart, closed to anyone in your past, then you are closed. And if you are closed, you will struggle in opening to your spouse.  

Our favorite recovery materials are the LDS version.  It's free.  There is a workbook you can download, amazing videos and powerful audio files.   Start here.  

Note: "Breakthrough" is also a huge part of "opening every door."   As inspired, spend some time (here and there) clearing out the past.   

11) Read and ponder the STRM 9 Agreements and/or listen to the 9 Agreements MP3 files

12) Serve   
Service draws you closer to God, creates a general sense of connectedness and increases the strength of your character.  This is powerful fuel for the journey you're on.  Decide what service looks like for you, including service to your family, your local church, your neighbors or your community.  For ideas go to: www.justserve.org. 

13) If inspired, PLEASE consider 40 day man fast (or woman fast).  
Sometimes you will need to dry out before you can even think straight and/or gather any real positive momentum.  Don't worry- they will all still be there when you're done fasting.  

A man fast (or woman fast) is usually the single most important thing you could do in securing your success in relationships.  

You can only truly be with someone and rejoice in your love together if you have something strong and sure to share with him or her.  If he or she is your reason for living, you will have too much pressure on the relationship working and you will tend to blow it up.

Face all your fears.  Make the loneliness monster your best friends.  Have the time of your life with friends of the same sex.  Enjoy friends of the opposite sex in PUBLIC, not private, including zero flirting, zero, sexual touch (friendship hugs only), zero talking about the possibility of a relationship etc. 

Emerge from this 40 days in better shape, with more to offer than ever.  

Make sure, during your fast, that you are pouring on the discipline in your career, your health, your service and your spirituality.  Get yourself right-side up, or you will only keep attracting relationships that are upside down, backwards, negative and destructive.

Note: A "Man Fast" or "Woman Fast" is not for everyone.  In our coaching meetings, I will often point you in the opposite direction.  As Shakespeare said, "When your an anvil, hold ye still.  When your a hammer, strike your fill."  

14) Everydollar (or www.mint.com) 
Get on your A-Game with your finances!  Dive into one of these amazing free budgeting apps and by so doing, vastly increase the psychic space and energy you need to walk the Path of Peace.  As stated, how you do one thing is how you do everything.  For one thing to be truly working, in a way, everything needs attention.  It's all one.  It's all you!