3 Rules for Effective Living

12 Words - Stay in your lane - Look for the Donut - Stay in your power

1. Stay in your lane.

Pay attention to your choices, vs. obsessing over someone elses.

You can invite, you can be an example, you can make well timed suggestions, as inspired, but what you don’t want to do is obsess over what someone else is doing or not doing, or should be doing differently or doing more, or less of, etc.

Note that providing encouragement, clarification or even an understanding of your boundaries in a well timed, peaceful, inspired way, is your lane. Your choices are your lane. Everyone else’s choices are their lanes. Stay in your lane.

2. Look for the Donut.

Look for the donut, not the hole.

Look for the good that’s going on, the improvement, the breakthroughs.

For example (from my own life), instead of noting how many times a loud vehicle interupts a quiet walk and talk with your spouse through your neighborhood, notice how many minutes you enjoyed your walk without loud vehicles. It may surprise you.

3. Stay in Your Power.

Stay in your power vs. your reactivity

Focus on what you can do. When tempted to get out of your lane or look for the hole vs. the donut, peace and proactive thinking are instantly accessable by simply asking, “…but what can I do.” or “What can I contribute?” or “How can I influence, encourage, improve?” etc. Stay in your power.

Epilogue notes:

Note 1. The magic of these rules is that they are easy to remember and to pay consistent attention to.

By so doing, you will find that at least 50% of your daily inner traffic jams will clear up, leaving the a peaceful flow of positive and proactive thoughts flowing through your brain and heart.

Note 2. These rules are for your use and are not intended to impose on others. For instance, if a friend or co worker is also enrolled in the rules and you find yourself saying “Hey, remember! Stay in your lane”, you’ve already gotten out of yours.

Note 3. Looking for the donut doesn’t mean you become a saint. There are frustrating and dissappointing things that happen every day and you may find yourself complaining from time to time, hopefully without putting anyone in a bad light. But this isn’t what the rule is about. The point of the rule is that the more you look for the donut- the good, and positive, the improvements and breakthroughs, the more you will see them, which will assist you in living Rule 1 and 3.

Note 4. The word “power” in Rule 3 can be misleading. Historically, the best treatment of this concept is found in Covey’s “7 Habits” - “Focus on your circle of influence (what you CAN control) vs. your circle of concern” (what you can’t).

Note 5. The serenity prayer is one of the earliest affirmations of these 3 rules: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."