Path of Breakthrough - Handbook 

Handbook / Recordings / Extras

📖 Handbook - Table of Contents

This Handbook is the core content of Path of Breakthrough. See other companion content links above for recordings and "extra" information. The table of contents, below, includes hyperlinks (in green*)* going directly to content.

The multiplicity of breakthrough possibilities here is based on this idea: An effective plumber or electrician has many tools to choose from. What might work for one person might not work for another and even something that works for you sometimes may not apply too well other times.

This is a collection of breakthrough frameworks vs. a one size (or tool) fits all.

P.S. "Click on the green plus sign" are things you only need to read once. By putting this information in toggle arrows you'll be able to return to this later, ready to dive in (with out a lot of extraneous information).

Introduction

1. Breakthrough - What & Why

2. Path of Breakthrough

3. Natural Breakthrough

4. Supplementary Breakthrough

How to Use This Material

1. Step by Step

2. Combining Breakthrough Modes

Combos

1. Combo - 10 Step Breakthrough

2. Combo - Clearing Sequence

3. Combo - Acceptance/Commitment

5 Minute Breakthroughs (or for warm up)

1. Space for Trust

2. Acceptance/Commitment

3. Breathe

4. Worse Case Scenario

5. Healing Mirror

6. Guided Scripture Search

7. Clarify Your Vision

8. Refine Your Boundaries

9. Create Balance

10. Inspiring Input

11. Ho'oponopono

12. Ho'oponopono Traits or Disease

13. Loving Kindness Meditation

14. What Could I Bring?

15. Resolve Irrational Thoughts

16. Practical Solution

Last But Not Least

1. Walk List

2. ARP

3. Conclusion
   

🌞Breakthrough - What & Why

Breakthrough in this book simply means breaking through or past a current unwanted state to a wanted state. The secret of this document is to combine breakthrough modes in a way that creates your desired state. The chart below by Clark Kegley (breakthrough expert) shows where we tend to live (toward the bottom) vs. where we want to live (toward the top).

This Handbook is the core content of Path of Breakthrough. See other companion content links above for recordings and "extra" information. The table of contents, below, includes hyperlinks (in green) going directly to content. The multiplicity of breakthrough possibilities here is based on this idea: An effective plumber or electrician has many tools to choose from.

What might work for one person might not work for another and even something that works for you sometimes may not apply too well other times. This is a collection of breakthrough frameworks vs. a one size (or tool) fits all. P.S. "Click on the arrow" pieces like this one are things you only need to read once. By putting this information in toggle arrows you'll be able to return to this later, ready to dive in (without a lot of extraneous information).

Carl's Junior (What You're Up Against)

This chart (above) seems pretty straightforward- self-evident "Yes. Of course! I want to be in bliss." But do you? Before using the breakthrough tools in this handbook it's important to understand what you're up against: Carl's Junior.

🍔 Pulling into Carl's Junior the other day was a rare moment. I'm a health food person, generally. Even though I rarely eat fast food, for some reason, in a fit of unconsciousness I found myself in the drive-through staring at a picture of a double ranch burger with jalapenos. I thought to myself, "this is dark, - very bad. ...I'm going to do it."

It was amazing. I felt like a new person, at least for a while.

In talking with one of my couples later in the night I was encouraging them to do some Breakthrough Work to unwind themselves from the layers of upset and victim story they held around some issues between them. I could see they weren't interested.

I thought back to Carl's Jr. and told them about my experience and then suggested a likeness: "Let's be honest, the reason any of us resist breakthrough work is that we like our stories. They are yummy to us. They fill a void and are satisfying. Me urging you to do Breakthrough work is like telling you not to go to Carl's Jr. At one level of thinking it just doesn't make sense."

Still, the fact is, we can and ought to acquire a taste for the finer things. Peace and love, ultimately, can become more satisfying to us than our stories. May these Breakthrough Resources be a blessing to you!

🌞 Path of Breakthrough

What we fear or resist, we create. If I'm afraid of being abandoned, I will unconsciously create being abandoned. Conversely, what we scratch for or need too much, we tend to *dis-*create by tripping ourselves up on the way to it.

Breakthrough is about melting resistance. As I melt my resistance or fear about something I want to avoid, I seem to stop attracting it. For example, as I melt my fear about attracting another narcissist into my life, I will start attracting people that are more aware and caring.

On the other hand, as I melt my desperation to have something I currently don’t have, I begin to attract it. For instance, If I decide I will not be happy until I’m “successful” or have the “perfect” marriage etc., all that scratching for success and the perfect marriage will block my path to it.

So the first purpose of breakthrough work is to melt my resistance to whatever I’m trying so hard to avoid or get rid of- to become at peace with whatever currently is- without pushing against it, or needing it to change.

The second goal of breakthrough work to melt my resistance or push-against not having what I want- to melt my push against things, just as they are, right now.

The final goal of breakthrough to let go of what you don't want to be feeling or doing and to choose a new way of thinking, feeling, doing and being.

Breakthrough choices can be more natural (see list below), or inner (or what some call "Breakthrough Discipline").

Natural Breakthrough

• Time - Your first go-to breakthrough. Letting some time go by can change the way you look at something.

• Prayer - Prayer is particularly helpful in breakthrough if you a) tell him everything- all your feelings (let it go!), b) admit to Him your unconscious or selfish choices, deteriorated character, destructive actions etc., then c) Ask Him forthrightly to assist you in your vision (what you see in your life, your relationship, your character etc.) and finally d) be still (during prayer) to receive His grace and direction.

• Vocal Prayer - Prayer can be a miraculous breakthrough experience. Praying out loud (vocally), can be even more instrumental in clarifying thoughts, feelings, faith - and in this, can open your heart again, very quickly.

• Scriptures - Plug into high octane consciousness. Open it up anywhere. More on this here.

• Exercise - Free your mind by moving your body. Great combination with Gratitude and/or Music.

• Service - Lifting someone else seems to lift you too. Even just praying for someone or sending a loving text can instantly free you from a painfully self absorbed world.

• Time and Awareness in Nature - Walk, breathe, notice, feel what you feel-inside & outside your body.

• Journaling - Set a timer for at least 15 minutes and say what you need to say. Click here for more on this.

• Gratitude - Counting your blessings. Thanking God for as many blessings as you can think of. Tony Robbins suggests combining this with exercise to really ramp it up. I do it on my mini tramp. I love it!

• Music - Dance music in particular can be helpful in shifting things quickly. Or, for a spiritual shift, try this: Bocelli and the Tab choir “The Lord’s Prayer.” Combining music with scripture and meditation, try this: pathofpeace.org/still

• Singing - Boyd Packer once said that the quickest way to get something unwanted out of your brain is to sing a Hymn. Sing it out baby! (it help to sing one you like, but anything will do).

• Humor - A good laugh can put an entirely new light on your world, very quickly. Try Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan.

• Spiritual or Other Group Support - Church, prayer meetings etc. We fly better in flocks. Listen to Pastor Joel on this. Church is a particularly effective group support because of encouragement to serve and service can be a major breakthrough.

• A combination of any of the above.

Return to Table of Contents

Breakthrough - Supplemental

The "Natural" breakthrough options above can be effective and miraculous and any of them could be just the ticket for what you're facing. Note however that the focus on this book is more on "supplemental" options, as you'll see below.

The "5 Minute" breakthroughs can be treated as stand-alone tools or can be a wonderful warm up for our two gargantuan "combos" (Clearing Sequence, and 10 Step Breakthrough).

Your Path of Breakthrough

Any methods of natural or supplemental breakthrough can and ought to be combined based on your intuition. It's a path you create and choose. Go with your instincts. As you become more and more familiar with this, and as you continue in your commitment to live in breakthrough, you'll be able to look over the table of contents and sense the best path for you at this time.

On a personal note, if you were to take scenic tour inside my head, you'd be alarmed. But I'm not much different than you. Every day there are things I resist, there is enmity that festers behind the scenes (stuff I'm not consciously noticing), maybe some unhealthy comparisons or even jealousy, disbelief in my own abilities, blame etc.

This kind of debris seems to exist in layers. What's the solution? Live the best life you can. Follow your instincts on the best and highest path you can sense and finally, spend time each day in breakthrough- melting whatever emotional, mental and spiritual blocks are in the way.

How to Use This Material

Step 1 - Identify your subject line. Examples are found in the 10 Step Breakthrough.

Step 2 - Look over the 5 Minute Breakthroughs and Combos and see what you are drawn to. 1 or 2 or 3 options may seem to speak to you. This is best done by leaning away from thinking about it or figuring it out logically, and leaning into your intuition.

Step 3 - If nothing jumps out at you, that's O.K. Just make your best guess on which pieces to use and go for it. See examples of possible combinations below.

Combining Breakthroughs - Examples

🎨 Refine Your Boundaries is a perfect follow up to the Clearing Sequence. Note: It's so helpful clear out stuck, bad feelings (Clearing Sequence). In a current (active) relationship, it's usually even more helpful to refine your boundaries.

🎨 Clarify Your Vision is an awesome follow on to 10 Step Breakthrough. Note: Clearing out or at least softening a limiting belief i.e. "I will never have a happy relationship" is often just the beginning. Now what? What's your vision? What steps will you take to insure your arrival.

🎨 Feel & Heal is beautifully followed up by Clarify Your Vision. Note: This combination the premise of one of today's most popular therapeutic paradigms, ACT (Action, Commitment Therapy) and is a favorite go-to.

🎨 One of my favorite combos is, if I'm not feeling much of a shift in the 10 Step Breakthrough I go to Worse Case Scenario.

Personal Example:

I did a 10 Step breakthrough recently on being camera shy. I didn't feel much of a shift, which sort of naturally lead me to another of my favorites, "Worse Case Scenario."

I concluded that the worse that could happen if I never overcame my camera shyness and self consciousness is that I could trust in Christ's redeeming grace, have my insecurities eventually washed away and live happily ever after! This realization made me laugh out loud and kind of opened up a portal, later, for the 10 Step work I'd done earlier to start sinking in.*

Use as "directed" (based on forecast)

🌦 If you're in a deep funk, (expected showers) you may feel to head directly into a "combo" or to choose a few "warm up" breakthroughs before heading in (or as a follow up).

🌦 Other days, if the forecast could be mostly sun, with a slight chance of of rain (in other words, some underlying anxiety), you may just want to take a long walk and/or meditate and/or journal and/or open the scriptures to some random verses and see if God is trying to get anything through to you.

🌦 If there is an unexpected flash flood you may need the quick relief of "Healing Mirror" or the "Walk List."

Check in with yourself every day and use this material as you are inspired.

• Path of Breakthrough is a work in progress. Toggle for how you can help.

  Please feel free to share what works for you, what doesn't, ideas for improvements, things I could add, what you like or don't like.

  Your comments are most valuable! Perhaps together we can create the most amazing compilation of breakthrough options ever! johncanaan@gmail.com.

🚀Combos (Collages)

Combo Themes (Nicknames)

• 10 Step Breakthrough (Also known as our Deep Climb. The deeper you go, the higher your altitude.)

• Clearing Sequence (Also known as our Prison Break- Your ticket from victim, upset, despondency and helplessness.)

10 Step Breakthrough

Especially for Limiting Beliefs

*Inspired by the “Sedona Method” (Hale Dwoskin), ConniRae Andreasen, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Clark Kegley, Dave Newren, Dr. Cliff Dunston, Harry Palmer, Byron Katie and Jeff Herrera.

Note: This is written in the 3rd person, as if you are working with a friend or facilitator. Remember, at any point (or with any step) you could feel complete with this**.** Perfect! Time to go on to another "inner" work process, or perhaps time to get fully into whatever action will tend to cement this breakthrough!*

🔉 Click here for 10 Step Breakthrough Recording

10 Step Breakthrough - Short Version (Summary)

Step 1) Identify an Unwanted Thought, Belief, or Tendency (Give it a number from 1 to 10)

Step 2) Fully acknowledge this thought, belief or feeling. (Move toward it- not away from it)

Step 3) Thank God for the possibility in this thought, feeling or tendency.

Step 4) Ask, “Is it possible that this feeling, belief or tendency is not actually you?”

Step 5) Ask, "Is it possible there is something deeper? and what might that be?"

Step 6) Consider Letting Go.

Step 7) Let Go. (Invitation, apology & surrender)

Step 8) Simple Exchange (Allow feelings or belief to pass out from you. Allow God to fill you).

Step 9) Declare a New Reality.

Step 10) Just Say Yes (Agreement. Something deeper? Is it possible? Just go there)

10 Step Breakthrough - Full Notes

Step 1) Identify an unwanted thought, belief, or tendency...

Please give it a number, from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest).

If inspired you could also ask yourself or the person you're working with, is there anything underneath this- (what you’ve just identified), perhaps something you're even more unsettled with (or is there something that perhaps goes along with this)?

You could consider subject lines below for ideas. If you've already picked your subject line, skip to the next step.

Possible Subject Lines (The not so sweet 16) Thoughts, beliefs, inner experiences or tendencies that aren't working out for you.

1. I don’t like it that __________ i.e. I live where I do, that I work where I work, or that I'm not healthy, or that I will die one day etc. and/or it's not fair.

2. I don't like how something or someone is and I'm having a fit about it.

3. I’m overwhelmed. There’s too much to do and I can't get it done.

4. People don’t (or _____________ doesn't) come through for me. I don't have support.

5. I’m not good enough (or he or she doesn't think I'm good enough). It doesn’t matter what I do.

6. There’s no purpose in anything or, my life is pointless.

7. I can’t__________ i.e. lose weight, get out of debt, succeed in my business etc. ...just "I can't."

8. I don’t have enough ___________ i.e. money, time, support etc. I never will, or, I miss (or I'm missing)_________ (someone or something).

9. I’m afraid of (or that)________________ (i.e. what this person said made me feel afraid that I'm not good enough, or the fact that I didn't get a raise made left me with the conclusion that I'm a failure and always will be etc.)

10. I panic about or fear something that might happen in the future (whatever you have in mind).

11. I live in deep regret and,/or I can’t forgive myself.

12. My heart is closed to a romantic relationship (or to my spouse). It feels unsafe.

13. I don’t trust _______ (name). He or she doesn't really care.

14. I’m completely stuck &/or torn &/or confused.

15. He or she is a ___________ ________ and will never change.

16. Personal character flaw or weakness (mine) i.e. short fuse, stubborn, self absorbed, fearful, defensive, jealous, in my victim story, helpless, shut-down, controlling, competitive, judgmental, unforgiving, unforgiven, compromising, addicted etc.

Step 2) Fully acknowledge this thought, belief or feeling.

Run to it- not away from it.

Don’t try to push it away. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Don’t wish it didn’t exist. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Just acknowledge and welcome this feeling, belief or tendency and/or your resistance to it. As Clark Kegley puts this, *"Can I allow this feeling (or this belief, or my resistance to a tendency?"

Please take some time here, from 1 to 5 minutes- allowing yourself to get completely present to this thought, feeling or tendency (or your resistance to it).

Step 3) Thank God for the possibility in this thought, feeling or tendency.

Anything similar to… “Father in Heaven, thank you so much for the growth and refinement that can come from _______________ (and my resistance to it) and that through all of this, you can make weak things strong in me and bring me home to you (to the peace and happiness that you are).”

Stay in prayer and meditation on this for a few moments until you can genuinely feel grateful for the growth that can come from this challenging feeling, belief or tendency (including your resistance to it).

10-Step Breakthrough, continued

Step 4) Ask, “Is it possible that this feeling or belief or tendency is not actually you?”

“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.

Note: Imagine if you were walking along a street and you picked up a little ball. Is the ball you?

Step 5) Something Deeper

Ask, “Is it possible that this unwanted feeling (or thought/belief) or tendency is not actually you, but is a distraction from something even deeper?”...and what might that be?

Pause for a moment to see if anything comes up for you.

Note that step 5 is often just a quick drive-through and not something to think too much about. Often it's simply a reminder that sometimes it hurts in a different place than we think. There are some examples below, but if you're feeling complete on your subject line (if you feel settled on where you feel it hurts) just go on to the next step and skip the examples below.

Examples: a) Could your anger be a way of avoiding fear or vulnerability? b) Could your depression or lack of motivation be a way of protecting yourself from your fear of failing? or... c) ...at a deeper level, could your tendency to self-sabotage be to protect you from your fear that even after you have got everything you want, life will still be unsatisfying or empty?

“Yes” or “No.”  If no, stay with your initial subject line and go on to the next step.

**Take a moment to consider what number you're currently at in this breakthrough. How much energy, upset, anguish etc. are you currently experiencing with this subject line, from 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest. Please write this number down and go on to the next step.

if you're on a walk or something and don't have anything to write with, pretend you have something and write the number in the air.

Step 6) Consider Letting Go

By now, it's possible you've shifted to or added an additional, even deeper undesired thought or feeling, or you could still be with the original subject line.

In either case, please ask, “Now that you have fully acknowledged and experienced this feeling, belief or tendency (and your resistance to it), perhaps you could, to some degree, just let all of it go- this thought or belief or tendency- including your resistance to it.

I’m not asking you to let it go, but do you think you could, as best as you can, just let it all go? Is that possible?

Any answer is perfect here.

Step 7) Let Go

Let Go - Part 1: Invitation Ask, “Will you let this (all) go?” (this unwanted thought, belief, feeling or tendency and all the resistance you hold against it)

Any answer is perfect.

Let Go - Part 2: Apology If you're not familiar with this step, read this first: There's something very peaceful in apology. By simply saying "I'm sorry" we seem to unravel the shame, defensiveness, stories and resistance that have been holding our current reality together. Apologizing to God for showing up on earth as fearful, jealous, self-absorbed, dishonest, shut down, resistant etc. (or any other false version of yourself) releases all the energy you've spent blaming others for it, or justifying it and creates an opening for change.

Here's an example of the kind of apology you may want to offer:

"Heavenly Father, to some degree (maybe even a very big degree) I've made choices that have resulted in a my belief that __________________________, or feeling ____________________ or experiencing a tendency to _______________________ (Your subject line and/or whatever) else might be coming to you).
** Please forgive me for pushing away the success, love, intimacy, joy and abundance you're trying to bless me with. Forgive me for refusing (to some degree) to see who I am to you and what you're trying to make of me.

Thank you for the love and forgiveness I feel from you in this.

Thank you that you're always here, and always have been.

Thank you for healing this belief or feeling or tendency and for the opening, even now, you're creating in my heart."

Let Go - Part 3: Surrender

With your apology complete, ask again, “Will you let this go?” (this thought, belief, feeling or tendency)

With the question above in mind, consider, to whatever degree you can, Dr. Joe Dispenza's invitation, paraphrased here: "Surrender your limiting thought, feeling or tendency to God. Simply open the door, give it up, and let go completely. Let Him take your limitation from you."

Consider a prayer similar to the following: 'Infinite God, I give you my ____________ (whatever your subject line is). This is not me. So please take it from me and resolve this emotion (or feeling or thought- this part of met) into a greater sense of wisdom. Free me from the chains of my past'" [inspired by Dr. Joe's "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself"]

Step 8) Simple Exchange

Notice that whatever thought or belief (or tendency) you’ve been working with and the feeling it’s creating is loosening. Notice it’s beginning, all by itself, to thin (to kind of lose it’s grip on you) and to gently move out into the infinite space in front of you.

Notice at the same time, the light and love of God, taking it's place- moving through you, from the top of your head, down into your whole soul.

Notice these two things happening at the same time and stay with this for a minute or so.

This is a very sweet but subtle exchange (your wounded heart- your limiting thoughts or tendencies exchanged for God's love and light).

The secret is, don't try to make the exchange happen. Just notice, instead, that even though it's very subtle, somehow, you can feel it happening- that simply because you are open to Him, God is gently moving through your soul, replacing the negative belief or thought or tendency you've been working with, and that this is happening all by itself- all that you've held on to, that hurts- thinning and moving into the infinite space in front of you. Just notice for a moment. Stay with this for a moment.

And if your mind wanders from it, just come back and notice.

Take a moment to consider what number you're at and write it down, on paper or in the air. It doesn't matter what the number is- just that you're writing it down, even if it's the same number you started with. Whatever the number is, is perfect.

10-Step Breakthrough, continued

Step 9) Declare a New Reality...
…often, something opposite to what you've been believing or experiencing.

What are you willing to cause? or what reality do you now choose? "i.e. “I cause _________” or “I am _________” etc.

What is the truth about who you really are, about what God is trying to make of you, about what you’re fully willing to do and be? …or, what truth is patiently waiting for your embrace.

**It can feel awkward sometimes to say it, but in saying it (out loud) you are in a very real sense, causing it. And here’s the secret: Don’t try to cause it- Just say it.

Note: Please approach this step, especially, with a prayer in your heart. In a real sense, only God can and does reveal truth- truth that breaks through the fabric of illusion, false beliefs and thoughts about ourself and our life that keep us from happiness. With His help, see what comes to you. For ideas you could read the declarations below. These may be close, but perhaps not everything God is trying to get through to you. See what comes. Enjoy your time in quiet with your Heavenly Father.

Examples of new realities *(what you’re breaking through to) *****in green. Each example is preceded by the subject line (or what you’re breaking through from)

1. I don’t like it that __________ I’m grateful for everything, just as it is. Thank you God.

2. I don't like how something or someone is and I'm having a fit about it. I fully allow people their choice and love them where they are.

3. I’m overwhelmed, There’s just too much to do and I can't get it done. I put my attention on and do one thing at a time. The rest can wait.

4. People don’t come through for me. Down deep, the people in my life I count on want to come through for me. I trust this.

5. My spouse isn’t there for me. I trust that my spouse is trying to be there for me.

6. I’m not good enough. It doesn’t matter what I do. God loves me with a infinite love. I feel this coming through and to others.

7. My life is pointless. As long as I live, I can give and as I give, I feel alive and content.

8. I can’t lose weight. I’ll always be overweight &/or sick. I am ____pounds of vibrant health.

9. I don’t have enough money. I never will, or I'm missing, or I miss __________. I am a money magnet and live habits of success and abundance and/or... Thank you God. I see that what I think I'm missing, in your infinite realm, I will always be or have .

10. I don’t forgive _______ (person’s name). I never will. I fully forgive _______ as God also, completely forgives me.

11. I live in the future and panic about what’s going to happen. I am fully present and trust that all things will work for my good in the future.

12. I live in deep regret and can’t (or won't) forgive myself. I fully trust God’s forgiveness and cast my burdens on Jesus.

13. I’ve loved and lost and can’t (or won’t) move forward. Everyone I have ever loved, I will always love, as they will always love me - My heart is full.

14. I don’t trust _______ (name). I trust ______, that he or she, at some level, wants to come through for me.

15. I’m stuck &/or torn &/or confused. I’m patient & trust God as I determine the best course.

16. Character flaw or weakness. Whatever you feel to declare.

Step 10) Just Say Yes

Part 1: Agreement

With your declaration inserted in the blanks below, ask and answer "yes" with any or all of the following questions.

As with Step 9, notice your resistance to saying yes, then (nevertheless) go ahead and answer with “yes” or whatever affirmative answer you can.

• Are you ____________________ whatever your declaration is? (Answer, “Yes”)

• So it’s true that _________________ ? (Answer, “Yes”)

• So what you’re saying is that __________________? (Answer, “yes”)

*Alternatively, you could declare your choice again i.e. “Yes, I am _______________."

Also, consider adding third person affirmations in your celebration of "yes" i.e. "That's for sure _______ (calling yourself by name), You are _______", or "You are WAY ____________" etc.*

• “Is this true?” .... that you are _________etc. ("Yes", or "Yes, I am ____________" and/or "You you are."

• “It’s true then?” (“Yes”)

• “So if I look up __________________ in the dictionary, I’ll see a picture of you?” (Answer, “Yes”)

• Is this true? (“Yes”)

• Say it one more time. (Answer “Yes”)

Have some fun with this for a while or until what you’re choosing seems to be resting more naturally in your heart.

10 Step Breakthrough - "Just Say Yes" Extra Steps for those that can't get enough Breakthrough!

Part 2: What might be under this?

The declaration you made in Step 10 (part 1) may only be only part of what you truly want, or only part of a truth waiting for your embrace (or may be the whole deal at this point). You decide.

If inclined (or perhaps still feeling incomplete in this breakthrough) you could ask yourself (or the person you're working with): If you could experience this (the declaration you just made (or vision), is there anything you want, even more, or is there anything perhaps underneath it- that you want even more?

Often the answer is "No." But sometimes, something will occur to you. If you sense the answer is "yes", identify what this is (whatever comes to you- any description, spiritual or temporal, big or small, whatever good desire has come or is coming into your mind, continue with this segment. Otherwise move to "Is it Possible", a little below this segment.

Ask... If you could experience this (the answer you just gave), what would you want, even more (what might be underneath this?)

Continue in this for a moment longer- allowing yourself to naturally flow to whatever authentic, good desire is making itself known to you.

In any event, narrow your declaration to one reality- either related to the declaration you made above or something even more important to you (the real you- the child of God you), then go on to the next segment.

Part 3: Is it possible?

Please now ask yourself or the person you're working with... In Step 10, part 1 (above) you declared and affirmed a new reality ("Just Say Yes)."

Please consider going a little further, by asking this question:

Is it possible? (what your declared, including anything that may have come up just now). [Again, even if you find yourself in resistance, simply notice the resistance, then allow yourself to at least say "Yes. It's possible."]

Please ask, would you be open to the possibility that your Heavenly Father is the bridge between what you've been experiencing in your life (your initial breakthrough subject line) and what the real you really wants and that if you will release the struggle and stand still, that you could, in His grace, fully experience what you've declared? Is this possible? ["Yes" is a good answer here too]

Please ask yourself or the person you're working with, Would you be willing then, instead of struggling for it, to simply experience whatever it you're breaking through to, along with all the attributes and actions that line up with it and/or lead to it? (Think of your declaration. Think of what you see for your life and who you want to more fully be.)

Part 4: Just Go There

Please now consider your initial declaration or a declaration that's just occurred to you in the last couple of steps as we continue in dialogue with the person your working with or with yourself:

Please stand, then, directly in (or be fully present to)_________________ (your core declaration).

...in every part of you- through your entire being- down to your toes, through your spirit, back through all time, into your future, into all eternity, into every feeling.

Will you now receive this new state of thinking, being or feeling (whatever you've declared) that God is wanting to bless you with? [Another great time to say "Yes"]

And would you be open to and willing to receive the wisdom, humility, creativity, consistency and whatever other attributes God is trying to bless you with to realize this declaration (or this vision)? [Another "Yes"]

And would you be willing to receive the resources, the connections, the miracles and the abundance leading to what you've declared? [One more time! "Yes"]

Then will you now see it?

Would you now feel it?

Will you now just go there?

Will you allow God flow his fully grace, peace, joy and abundance all the way to you?

Will you allow Him to continue to fill you with who He is so that who you are fully gives way, finally, to who He is and how He wants to work through you and in you, in this life? (Answer in your spirit).

As we continue, please meditate on your final declaration- living fully into the future, healed, happy, abundant, loving, you.

What does it feel like to be this kind of person- to be this new you- to have this outlook, this tendency, these kinds of experiences? (Continue to meditate on your declaration)

What is the future, real, you, doing right now (in the future)? What does it feel like. You are you with? Why are you doing what you're doing? Why do you feel what you feel?

As you continue to meditate on these questions, allow yourself this natural course- to just go there, completely, feeling the real you, right now.

Please let this vision of what you've declared fully flow into you and please stay here for a few moments, until you're comfortable with this new reality.

To go even further down this "10 Step Breakthrough" path, consider some of the Joe Dispenza recordings on our Breakthrough resource page.

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the thought or feeling you’ve been visiting (your initial subject line) a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest). Write the number down and repeat any section in this 10 Step Breakthrough (or all 10 steps) or something else in this Breakthrough Book.

Clearing Sequence

Excellent for Interpersonal Issues

Introduction to "Clearing Sequence" Moving into the 2nd of our two combinations (the "Clearing Sequence), we find a helpful aspect and benefit of breakthrough in our deepest relationships. We come to see that what we experience as a pretty straight forward, one dimensional nuclear melt down of hurt or trauma is actually a compound of two dimensions.

There is #1) the issue (what actually happened, what you'd like to change, what was actually said or done etc.) But the real pain comes in #2) how you interpret No.1

Getting "clear" with someone in this sense (in your present or past) means re examining the dot (#1). "Is this what I think it is? Did he or she intend to leave me feeling as I do? Am I or was I as powerless as this disaster has left me? Is my life destined toward the darkness and unhappiness this relationship seems to have, or seems to be pointing me toward?

Moreover, is what I'm bringing to this event, relationship or situation (the dot), a flaming red circle of distrust and helplessness, or, am I willing to consider something else.

Prelude - Connecting to Love Whatever relationship you’re thinking about- whatever internal condition you’re experiencing, there are always two possibilities:
1) Love exists in this- somehow, somewhere or
2) Love does not and can not, nor will it ever exist in this. #1 usually works out better for us.

*It is easy to interpret someone’s actions or words as the evidence that you are unlovable or not good enough. So often, it is not the other person’s intent to communicate this!

Re framing (or “clearing”) means a search for what was really going on- sometimes, perhaps even finding a hidden message of love.

This is an advanced breakthrough process for interpersonal breakthrough (with a person in your past or present) but can also be used in a communication between your real self (a child of God) and your struggling, hurting or disconnected self. We advise, ideally, doing this with a counselor.*

Please complete which ever of the following steps you need to in your mind in your mind or (even better) with a proxy:

1) Blame to Pain

With the person you are clearing with in mind (or speaking to a proxy), move from your blame (or upset) to pain.

“When you  (description of behavior ________________ ), I feel (or felt) _______________ (i.e.  afraid that__________, dismissed, abandoned, ashamed, hopeless, not safe, lost, like nothing, useless, not worthy of love, controlled, abused, meaningless, unimportant, forsaken etc.)

2) Check-In

Ask, "Is it possible that, to some degree, what you're feeling or what you're tending to believe about yourself (or this other person) may not be based on a complete picture of this person, yourself or the situation?"

If the answer to this question is "Yes, it's possible" please consider the 3 & 4.

3) Hidden Message of Love

Ask, could there be, in this person's behavior, a hidden message of love?

• If someone is defensive, the hidden message of love could be “I need your love.”

• If someone is critical, the hidden message of love could be “I need to count on you.”

• If someone is obstinate, the hidden message of love could be: “I need to feel self-determined, whole & free. If I am the one choosing in my life then I feel like I can choose to love you.”

• If someone is inconsiderate, the hidden message of love could be: “I’m afraid. I’m alone. I don’t feel good enough for anyone’s love. I’m lost in my need for your approval and affirmation. I want to break through from my isolation and come through for you. I love you.”

• If someone is angry, the hidden message of love could be: “I feel out of control or threatened. Because I trust you and love you more than anyone, you are who I feel the most let down by and get angry at the most.”

• If someone is is apathetic (checked out), hidden message could be: “I’m hurt, discouraged & lost. I don’t know how to find my way back. I want to love again. I want you to love me again. Please find me so I can come back to you. I love you.”

4) Compassion

*This is modified version of Harry Palmer’s “Compassion Process.”

Instructions: State* the 5 expressions below (in your mind) to whoever you’re clearing with or out loud to a proxy.

1. “Just like me, you’ve been seeking some happiness in your life.”

2. “Just like me, you’ve been trying to avoid suffering.”

3. “Just like me, you’ve known sadness, loneliness & despair.”

4. “Just like me, you’ve struggled to fulfill your needs in a positive, win-win way.”

5. “Just like me, you’re learning about life.”

✋🏼 You may feel complete with this clearing sequence already.

If not, consider the level of upset or energy you may still hold with respect to this issue or event and give it a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest). Then go on to the next step.

5) Bottom Line

When your loved one (or anyone for that matter) isn't there for you in the way you need, you fear disconnection and/or insignificance and/or unworthiness. These are usually the real issues (not his or her misbehavior).  It can be helpful to face these fears.

So, talk directly to this person (in your mind, kind of like talking to his or her spirit), addressing him or her by name, complete this sentence:   “_______________  (his or her first name), what I really need (or needed) from you is_______________.”

Repeat the sentence again, taking a quick look at some of the possibilities below:

“What I really need (or needed) from you is________.”

• acceptance

• patience

• appreciation

• trust and connection (vs. distrust and separation)

• encouragement

• to know you'll never leave me.

• to feel respected

• to feel your love

• to feel like a priority

✋🏼 You may feel complete with this clearing sequence already.

If not, consider the level of upset or energy you may still hold with respect to this issue or event and give it a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest). Then go on to the next step.

6) Re frame

Reframe your experience by receiving the apology that resides in this person’s real (but perhaps lost) self.

Instructions: Now that you've expressed some of your feelings to this person, please consider the possibility of what his response might or could be in his or her real self. You can do this either in your mind or through a proxy- using any of the responses below.

If you’re using a proxy, you may want to check mark the responses you sense you need to hear (or if on a computer or phone, point to them). What is it that this person would say, or would want to say in his or her real self?

1. It’s me and/or I hear you.

2. What was really going on with me was (or is) ________” (whatever comes to you or the proxy)

3. I understand what you’re saying or

4. I think I understand. I think I always did.

5. I wanted to love you so much more. I’m so sorry. I got so lost, so confused in my life, so afraid.

6. I went into so much darkness, and I couldn’t seem to get out.

7. I pointed it all at you.

8. I let you down. I let you down so badly. I see this now. I know this.

9. I made you feel less-than, disregarded, like nothing.

10. I wanted so much to come through for you, but I didn’t.

11. So listen now, please. This is the real me now. I have always loved you. That was never the question. There just wasn’t much of me left to love you or come through for you. I was gone and I didn’t know how to find my way back.

12. Since the moment I first saw you, I loved you.

13. I will always love you. How could I not!?

14. I’m so sorry.

15. Please, could you forgive me? (Please see note below before answering)

16. Will you forgive me? (Please see note below before answering)

Note (especially in severe situations) that there are two possibilities, and both are real. There is the him or her that truly let you down- a scoundrel, a narcissist, a self-centered brat, an abusive monster in some cases.

There is also the real man, or woman, who at least (at some level) wanted to come through for you- to love you, to make you feel protected, respected, cherished and loved (or if you're married, who still wants to).

He or she is in there, to some small degree (and if you're currently married perhaps to a very large degree).

So as your proxy asks for your forgiveness, what will you choose to be real? Because it is a choice. And however you choose to see the past is how you will tend create the future.*

7) Receive and acknowledge

i.e. “I hear you and as God has forgiven me, I forgive you.”
Extra: “I can only imagine what you were going through or what you’ve been going through.”

✋🏼 You may feel complete with this clearing sequence at this point. If not, consider the level of upset or energy you may still hold with respect to this issue or event and give it a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest). Then go on to the next step.

8) Look for yourself as the cause

Background Accountability occurs in hundreds of layers. Even the seemingly cleanest home, if inspected closely, reveals this amazing phenomena. Objectifying, blame and victim are hiding in the closets, the attic- all over the place. They are hiding on you!

Some time ago, my boy Geoffrey was walking through a lobby to one of our meetings. He walked by a coffee table and accidentally stepped on a little creamer that someone had dropped. This created an instant mess.

Rather than saying “why aren’t people more careful?”, he said to himself “I did that” and got some towels to clean it up. He explained later, as he reveled in the afterglow, that this one simple moment struck him as the way he wanted to live his life i.e. “I did that.”

Consider the power and freedom in this question “how did I do this?” or, as the apostles put it, “Lord is it I?”  Consider the power and freedom of finding as many ways as you can that in fact you did do it.

When we fully address the “beam in our own eye”, we will be rid of our upset, story and reaction to the speck of dust in our loved one’s eye. Once rid of our powerless or victim story, navigating through differences and finding mutually acceptable solutions is so much easier.

Instructions In your mind or with a proxy, apologize to the person who’s been apologizing to you (via the proxy). Apologize for whatever you can- whatever you are inspired to apologize for. Please consider the list below:

• I’ve been blaming you for anything and everything.

• I have been self absorbed. I have been insensitive. I have been impatient.

• I have been careless and abusive.

• I failed to share my feelings of hurt, fear or vulnerability with you & emotionally withdrew.

• I’ve been pointing my frustrations, fears and unhappiness at you.

• I failed to peacefully communicate & instead, chose blame, negativity &/or withdrawal.

• I allowed myself to continue to feel uncomfortable with _______ (keep details just in your mind).

• In my unwillingness to make sure things work for me too, I have built up some resentment.

• I have been unwilling to get clear with myself about what my boundaries are.

• I’ve wanted your approval more than I wanted my own self respect.

• I've not been appreciative for you and what you do. I’ve taken you for granted.

• Instead of celebrating our blessings I have chosen to fuel my disappointments.

• I have been more committed to my story of how you have wronged me, than to you.

• I disconnected from your love, got defensive and imagined you were out to get me.

• I’ve been lazy and this has led to a whole string of problems.

• I’ve been inconsistent about doing the things that keep a good feeling between us.

• Instead of letting you know how proud I am of you, I’ve given you my disappointment.

• I have failed to put you first, take care of your needs & do my best to make you happy.

• I’ve been wanting you to see the error of your ways and to apologize to me.

• I haven’t clearly asked for what I need and/or been encouraging when you try to give it.

• Through not living inside my boundaries, I’ve supported your aggression and abuse.

• I have viewed you as the source of my feelings of abandonment, not-enough etc.

• I’ve set you up, the best I can, to affirm my greatest fear i.e. that I don’t matter.

• Without realizing it, I’ve pushed you into proving that I’m unlovable & not enough.

• I’m causing people to be who they are by my labels, judgments and stories about them.

9) Ho'oponopono

“Ho’oponopono”, an ancient Hawaiian healing ritual, is so effective that Joe Vitalie wrote a whole book about it called “Zero Limits.” Even if you don’t read the book, the basic process is outlined below.

Continuing with this person in your mind’s eye and say:

[Person’s name]. I’m Sorry. Please Forgive Me. I forgive you. Thank You. I love you.

The key to this is to be fully present to these words, repeating the 5 phrases as many times as you feel to.

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling (or inner experience) you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and choose another Breakthrough possibility.

Even though you've been working on an interpersonal issues in this breakthrough, a wider view of this picture is best facilitated by now going to the 10 Step Breakthrough.

For one on one breakthrough training, schedule an appointment with John or text Narelle @ 801 548 8212.

5 Minute (plus) Breakthroughs (also great for warm up)

Many of these "Five Minute Plus Breakthroughs" are built in to the one of the combos (10 Step or Clearing Sequence) but are offered here because sometimes one or more of these is all you need. Any of these can be done in 5 minutes (or more if you'd like) either as a stand alone or as warm up for one of the Combos.

🕔 5 Minute (plus) Breakthrough - Acceptance/Commitment (A.C.T.)

🍰 Acceptance/Commitment - Short Version (Summary)

Step 1) Fully accept and embrace whatever ever it is your feeling- without judgement or self-criticism and regardless of what you think you should be feeling.

Step 2) Commit to Action. Move toward something you see for your life and/or value. This can include visualization, meditation, planning and/or actual action (i.e. reaching out to someone, reconstructing your backyard, applying for school etc.)

🧾Acceptance/Commitment - Long Version

Step 1) Accept Your Feelings

Note: Accepting Your Feelings (Part 1 of Acceptance/Commitment) **is also built into the 10 Step Breakthrough but is an effective stand-alone breakthrough process.

Often, clearing the path to peace (and to your vision) starts by fully embracing and releasing emotional debris (like this woman did in the Tacoma, below).

Fully accepting your feelings (whatever they are) is a mile marker to happiness. This can occur spontaneously or can be done in meditation, with a friend, in your journal or even a letter to God- pausing from tome to time to record what you feel He is saying back to you.

Note: In talking to God (as Kayla says in the video below), it doesn’t matter what you’re feeling- just start talking. You’ll be surprised at how healing this conversation can be.

Acceptance/Commitment, Continued

Seeing the Difference between You and Your Experience

As Dr. Steven Hayes points out, our human tendency is to be entangled in our own feelings. So it’s helpful to (as Steven puts it “diffuse” our experience- or to create some distance. There are countless examples how to do this in A.C.T. literature. Here’s an easy one.

1) Clarify what it is you’re feeling i.e. “lonely, confused, dismissed etc.” (Narrow it down if you can).

2) Move this feeling about 10 feet out from you (in your mind), on the floor in front of you.

3) Ask yourself

• What is it’s shape? (a rectangle, a ball? a blob? a pyramid?) etc.

• How big is it?

• What color is it?

• How much does it way?

• What does it’s outside feel like, to the touch?

• If you could get inside of it, what’s the side feel like?

• How powerful is it?

4) Notice that the more you can describe your inner creation, the more you realize that it is not you, but is rather, something you created. This realization tends to untangle you from it and therefore, a sense of peace or breakthrough.

Note: Diffusing your inner experience does not mean to deny your feelings. On the contrary, the more you embrace your experience, the more peace you’ll have. Diffusing simply means that as you embrace your feelings, you’re simply trying to get a better look at where and what it is. This entanglement tends to breathe healing into whatever you’re going through.

For Steven’s endless A.C.T. breakthrough ideas, consider ordering his book, “How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life.”

Step 2) Commit (Move Toward a Vision and/or Value)

Now that you've gotten it out, including talking to a friend and/or God all about it and getting a better, objective view of it, you have enough of an mental and emotional space to create movement, (the "commitment" part of A.C.T.)

Here's what this looks like:

Commit to a course of action- toward something you genuinely value, or toward an important goal.

If you value connecting with people, get up, go out, run into friends in the neighborhood, text people you think need to hear from you- whatever comes to you.

If you are working on a Master's degree AND if that degree is important to you (and not just what you think is the "next step"), map out your study strategy and get to work on it.

If you're starting a new business, start a list of clear one-time and/or repeating actions that will lead to your grand opening, then get in motion.

This combination of acceptance, followed by commitment and action is nothing short of miraculous.

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and pick another section.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Breathe

Breathing deeply will almost immediately balance you physically and emotionally.

There are many great techniques (I've linked a couple below). The main idea is to breathe as deeply as you can in through your nose, all the way "up into your mind" (as Dr. Dispenza puts it) and then out through your mouth as completely as you can. In your inhales you can alternatively target or breathe into your heart- becoming present with everything you feel.

As a change up to the above, you can hold your breath after the inhale for a few seconds, then exhale.

You can even overlay an element of spirituality if you'd i.e. breathing in, say in your mind..."Breathing in God's love and light." Breathing out you could say "Breathing out resistance, complaints and discontent."

This links are also found in the "Recording" section of "Path of Breakthrough"

1 Minute (unless you start it over)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6RbW2LtdFs

11 Minutes

https://youtu.be/tybOi4hjZFQ

About 45 Minutes

https://youtu.be/WPxldauogLs

Return to Handbook Table of Content

🕑 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Worse Case Scenario

Not a good day? If it’s not any worse than what’s pictured here (above), things may not be that bad! (Just kidding …sort of.)

Step 1) Identify what you're worried about. Dig in deep. Get it all out from everywhere it’s hiding. That’s what’s eating you up- worries hiding in the background and shadows.  It’s fears and worry that are unclear and unspoken that are causing most of your anxiety.

Step 2) Go to the worst case scenario and ask yourself “Could I live with that?” i.e.

1. Lose your job. Can’t pay your mortgage. Lose your house. Could end up living in a Motorhome. Could end up living with Aunt Millie. Could you live with any of this?

2. Your spouse dies. Live alone the rest of your life. Start dating again? Could you live with either of these?

3. You never marry and/or you never date, the rest of your life.  You end up involved in singles activities forever! Could you live with that?

4. The “wrong” party is in the white house……which leads to the unraveling of society. People are rioting in the streets. The end of the world is near. Could you live with that?

Step 3) Embrace this self evident answer to “Could I live with that?” Be still for a moment, with a prayer in your heart and hear the answer. “Of course you can!”  You may not like it, but God willing (and He is willing), you will not only just live with it, you will thrive!

Your journey will never end, neither will the love you can give, neither will the glory of God ever dry up in your heart and soul. In life or death, single or married, rich or poor, healthy or sick, tell yourself the truth: “Come what may, I will give! I will love! I will serve! I will grow and I will thrive!”

God is able and willing to turn ALL things to our good.

Examples:

1. Lose your job. Can’t pay your mortgage. Lose your house. Could end up living in a Motorhome. (How fun! Travel the country!) Could end up living with Aunt Millie. (It’s about time you reconnected with family)

2. Your spouse dies. and you are faced with loneliness or dating again (two hard roads). Live alone the rest of your life. (Think of how many people with even worse burdens, you could serve & comfort) Start dating again? (Could be fun to start over again with another fixer upper)

3. You never marry and/or you never date for the rest of your life? You end up involved in singles activities and perhaps blessing hundreds with your positive, affirming spirit. How many people need you as a close friend or even as a Mom or Dad? How much real joy is possible in real service?

4. The “wrong” party is in the white house, which will lead to the unraveling of society. If the end comes, we are that much closer to meeting up with our relatives and our Heavenly Father. Yay!

Step 4) As the “what if?” moves into “I could live with that”, you will reclaim the energy and creativity needed to move from your worse case scenario and into actions and habits leading to the best possible scenario.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

🕑 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Healing Mirror

It’s easier to see it in someone else. “…why do you focus on the speck that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull the speck out of your eye; and, behold, a beam of wood is in yours?” Matthew 7:3-4

We are hesitant to look at our own personal weaknesses because we equate our weaknesses or negative characteristics as the evidence that we are not lovable. Looking at this “evidence” makes us afraid that we will not be loved. So we do not look.

Thankfully, God often gives us a wonderful gift: Whenever we are upset or irritated by someone else, God is showing us a pathway to something in ourselves that needs our attention - a place where we feel unforgiven, unlovable or ashamed.

The secret of this exercise however, has to do with maintaining your focus on someone else. Deliberately look out, instead of in. Your defense system will often not allow you to accurately look within.  But it will allow you to look out, with stunningly clear vision.

Let’s do it. Consider what bothers you and find behind this mirror, the hidden treasure of God’s love!

A) Think of a behavior or characteristic that upsets you in someone else.

B) Ask: “What does this person want, or what is it that this person is afraid of that would cause him or her to __________?” (whatever this behavior is).

C) Ask: “What does this person want, or what is it that he or she might be afraid of that would make him want or be afraid of (or want) ___________ (whatever you mentioned above)”.

D) Continue down this page until an intersection between this person’s fears or desires and your fears or desire(s) appears, e.g., “Do I ever want this or am I ever afraid of this?  Is what this person feels or wants or fears something I can relate to?  How much?” Notice that how you seek to accomplish or avoid something may be different from the person you’re focusing on.  Look for the commonality. Look for the beam in your own eye.

Carefully dig around for how you do what so and so does, or how you also want what so and so wants, and how you try to accomplish the same thing that so and so is trying to accomplish.  *Note also that what someone is afraid of exists only in the context of something they want. [e.g. If I’m afraid of rejection, what I truly want is to feel accepted.]*Also note that there may several intersections between what this person wants or is afraid of and what you want or are afraid of. Play around with this for a while.  See what you come up with.

Common Intersections (Common ways this person is a reflection).He or she...

• is trying to piece together a sense of security in the midst of personal doubt and insecurity.

• feels alone or disconnected.

• doesn’t feel like he compares very well to others

• feels like she’s not enough.

• doesn’t trust other people’s love.

• doubts that he has much to offer.

• wants to feel loved, or important, noticed or valuable.
  

E) Once you’ve got a feeling for what you want or are afraid of intersects with what this person wants or is afraid of, you could offer a prayer that’s anything along this line:

“Heavenly Father: I see a part of me in _. I know that you see this in me- this fear of _________ or this tendency to _______ or desire for. You see it and yet you still love me.  Help me not to hide this part of me from you anymore.   Please heal this part of me. Please forgive me & heal me from ________ (describe the fear, doubt or tendency that is behind the person’s behavior).     Please forgive me for pointing my own stuff at ________ (the person you’re bugged at). Thank you for showing me, in the mirror, my own doubt and self betrayal. Thank you for lifting me from my judgment, strengthening me to change, and bringing me home to you.”

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

🕑 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Guided Scripture Search

Get Some Light on the Subject Guided Scripture Search is a unique and potentially powerful Breakthrough possibility. Narelle and I have used this for years, almost each time with virtually instant results.

Step 1) Ask God to guide you to one something that could enlighten your mind, or give you a better picture of something your facing- perhaps even a breakthrough in understanding and a shift in your state.

Step 2) Open your scriptures (or scroll through books, chapters and verses on your device) and randomly pick a scripture verse.

Step 3) After reading the verse, ask yourself, “Is there a way God could use this verse to get something through to me?” Meditate and listen for a moment. See what comes.

Step 4) Again, going by intuition, open your scriptures to another verse with the hope of seeing a connection between the first verse you read and now this one. Think outside the box. Be open.
The scriptures you've turned to may not even be that helpful, in and of themselves, but perhaps there's something. Not always, but most of the time, you will find a connection between the two scriptures and can derive a message to your soul.

Note: Don’t get hung up in trying to figure out if God is actually getting through to you or not (or whether he's actually lead you to these scriptures. Just do your best to dial in. This breakthrough isn’t about turning you into a prophet- it’s about opening your mind to possibilities- to new perspectives and to peace and to God.

Looking for God’s message to you opens you and heals you, regardless of the specific content He is able to get through to you. Just looking will often create breakthrough.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Clarify Your Vision

See the Vision. Melt Your Story. Getting a clearer picture in your mind of what you see for your life can quickly dissolve whatever blocks seem to stand in the way.

Clarifying your vision (also known as Faith & Focus) is one of the two dimensions of Living Life Intentionally (Agreement 1). It is also a major possibility in Breakthrough.

When a vision becomes strong and moving enough and when you are 100% committed to taking whatever action leads to it, the vision (the goal) and your movement toward it naturally melts the resistance surrounding it.

When you are willing to see something in advance and get in agreement with God about it’s reality, limiting beliefs or tendencies spontaneously lose their strength.

Having said this, there is great synergy in working through these beliefs or tendencies at the same time. Hence, clarifying your vision can also be an integral part of 10 Step Breakthrough..

Here are some guidelines to what I call “Faith & Focus” (clarifying your vision):

1) Say it and/or see it and feel it

• Phrase or affirmation with a favorite mental picture (or two) i.e. “I am a loving, patient, fun, husband” with a mental picture (and experience) of you and your spouse, hand in hand, on a beach- listening to her, hearing her laugh, hugging etc.

• A picture on your vision board with an affirmation and perhaps some additional pictures in your mind.

• Just words- a simple phrase, or a full affirmation (as seen above).

• Just a picture- perhaps 3 or 4 super meaningful mental images you move through on your morning walk and/or meditation i.e. one on relationships, one on health, one on your business etc.

2) Ask God to assist you with it and refine you for it.

1. Be present to it (without scratching for it). “Give place” to it.

2. If inspired, express sorrow** to God for blocking what He is trying to bless you with. This simple moment of sorrow can free you from the energy drain of keeping up your excuses and and in this break you out of resistance.

5) Thank God for everything just as it is and for this emerging reality a reality that you are present to but not scratching for. A reality that you have completely made a space for and are moving toward, but do not need.

6) Ask God (and thank Him in advance for) the strength to take the steps and develop the habits leading to your vision(s).

For extra results, please finish this process by going to Part B of Step 10 in the "10 Step" Breakthrough.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Refine Your Boundaries

Growing boundary molecules in your brain.

Overarching Concept

Whenever you’re pissed off, there is one thing you can know for sure- You’ve become unwilling to live in boundaries (to ask and answer to the centering questions). So, when you notice you’re not comfortable with something or that something isn’t working for you too, center (or ground) yourself in these these questions.

Centering Questions

1) What am I willing to do?

2) What am I not willing to do?

3) What do I feel would be best for everyone involved? This often includes a cost/benefit analysis.

4) What am I not seeing? What God trying to get through to me about this, even now, even in this very moment?  What is another way of looking at this that will assist me in answering the above 3 questions?

5) What do I want?  What is it I would like to see happen in the end?  What is it I'm trying to create in connection with this?  This is also a good question to start with too.

Centering Questions - Mantras

Mantra Overview: I'm willing to lead you to what works for me too- to build a bridge where there once was a wall- to build peace where there was upset and resentment.

Living in the “centering questions” keeps me in the center of my personal power (vs. trying to solve my problem by changing you). More importantly, living in these questions keeps me in the center of my discernment, wisdom and willingness to create a mutually agreed reality vs. fight, flight, controllment, bitterness, reactivity or anger. In short, whenever I'm pissed off, there is one thing I can know for sure- I've become un willing to live in my boundaries (the answer to the centering questions).

So, when I notice that I’m not comfortable with something or that something isn’t working for me too, I center (or ground) myself in these these questions.

Let's break this down: when I’m feeling hurt, frustrated, powerless or victimized, I first, break through my distrust, worthlessness, or helplessness and ask God to reconnect me to my spouse's love (which I know is in there). [See Clearing Sequence] then I ask and meditate on the Centering Questions (below)- then I proceed toward loving, consistent and if necessary, ongoing conversations with my loved one about what will work for both of us.

I will never let my spouse down. I will never sweep issues under carpet. I will live in breakthrough. I will live in the centering questions and I will have as many hard (but loving) conversations as necessary to create a world we both feel good about living in.

Combining the Centering Questions with “Clearing Sequence”

For even clearer thinking, before asking Centering Questions, first break through distrust, worthlessness, or helplessness and ask God to reconnect your to your spouse's (or associates) love.

After doing the Clearing Sequence (see table of contents), ask and meditate on the again- then move toward loving, consistent and if necessary, ongoing conversations with loved one about what will work for both of you.

Boundaries Interview

Ask yourself, or have a friend ask you these questions. If you're having someone else ask you these questions, he or she doesn't need to know anything about the issue. If you are working alone, just ask each question, as listed below, to yourself, making notes on answers that come up for you.

• With respect to this issue, what are you willing to do?  

• What are you not willing to do or to endure? 

• How would things need to be or what would need to happen for you to feel good about this (i.e. this situation, this relationship etc.)? 

• What are you not seeing?

• As you think about your answers to the questions above, what do you feel would be in the best interest of everyone involved? ...either the end game, or steps or actions leading to what you want.

• Please go back and rethink your answers above (Just a brief overview).

• What’s keeping you from doing whatever it takes to feel comfortable about this situation, or relationship?

• What would you feel, or what would be the benefit to you, of living in your boundaries (your answers, above), or in other words of guiding your loved one toward mutual love, respect, and regard- of thinking in terms of what works for everyone- including you?!

• (If you’re still stuck, ask…) What's another way to love and take care of your spouse and you?

• What's ANY way?

• Are you worth the self cherishing you need?
  

Be still for a few moments. Bring your mind and spirit fully into the present, and into God’s presence to see what might come to you.

🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Create Balance

Smoke Alarms & Doorbells - Where does it hurt? Always a great question.

"Smoke Alarms" (click on triangle) for background story (if you're curious).

Years ago, in a small apartment, I endured the indignity of having my smoke alarm go off at even the hint or slightest diluted whisper of smoke. It almost seemed that you just had to say the word “smoke”, and it would go off.

After months of torture, one day I got up on a chair and attempted to sound proof this thing with layers of duct tape painstakingly lining the device in as many ways and places as I could (I didn’t want to shut if down completely because I didn’t want to break the apartment rules).

I went back to cooking an egg.  As usual the alarm went off, but was, to my great astonishment just as loud and horrifying as ever.  In fact it even seemed louder.  I was not going to let this thing beat me, I thought.  I got back up on the chair with my tape and began building on my previous efforts.  Suddenly, I noticed to my right, a contraption that looked just like a smoke alarm and concluded that, all this time, I'd been working on the doorbell.

I once heard it said that a fanatic is someone who, when feeling lost, will double his speed in order to reach his destination.  I laughed out loud as I thought of how frantically I have gone after the wrong target at times. The doorbell wasn't my problem.  It was the little smoke alarm beside it that was making all the noise.  Similarly, there are no screaming disappointments, or angry enemies that have created any real disruptions in my soul.  There are only little places of unhealed wounds--small smoke alarms in my spirit, whispering to me that there is still an emptiness I must attend to--still a yearning that I must find comfort for.

Agreement 5 (Creating Balance) in a sense, is a special aspect of Agreement 1. Agreement 1 says, make choices that actually lead to what you want. Agreement 5 says, pay attention to what’s hurting. Pay attention to what’s out of balance. Pay attention to what it is that you really want. Don’t be so quick to gloss over the quiet pain that hides in your heart. Because if you do, you could become really good at fixing door bells, when all along it is the smoke alarm (whatever that is for you), that needs your attention.

Much of what you’re feeling could be related to something you may not have considered. This is is why, right out of the gate in step 1 of the 10 step, you are asked, "Is there something underneath that (or connected to it)?"

Please rate, from 1 to 10 (10 being the most), how true each statement is for you right now. 

You could ask “Is this where I am hurting?”  This is not an opportunity to beat yourself up.  It is an opportunity to get a clearer view of where it hurts.

Self Centered (or Self absorbed)

• Others exist only in terms of what they can provide.

• I don’t seem to ever be completely present (to others- to anything).

• Obsessed with my own life, my goals, story or pain. Not available.

• Not tuned into people. Not sure I want to be.

• Tend to turn conversations back to me, or…

• I tend to isolate.

• Addicted (Alcohol, drugs, sugar, shopping, social media etc.).

• Overly self-sufficient (I can do it myself, without God).

• Busy, fearful mind vs. quiet, still & believing.

• Disconnected from God.

• In resistance to other people’s choices (complaining, moaning, groaning, or having little quiet fits about why others don’t do what you think they should).

Out of Control or low in self care

• Body, Health, Eating, Money, Debt, Time, Schedule etc.

• Because of not being in control, missing my potential.

• Out of balance; Not enough work, fun, spirituality, solace, creativity (What is it for you?)

• Not enough “self care” i.e. Day Spa, mountain biking, hobbies etc.

• Not enough cleansing music (whatever kind of music that is for you- music that rakes emotional debris through and out of your soul).

• Can't seem to get control of my life. Feel overwhelmed.

• Not **creating connection with and support from friends and family.

• Not giving and/or receiving enough hugs and non sexual affection.

• Living space needs organization and beautification.

• I don’t experience enough quiet: too much radio, texting, talking, TV, video games, etc.

Out of Vision ”Where there is no vision, the people perish” Proverbs 29:18.

Your soul hungers and thirsts for vision, meaning a picture or feeling of how you want to serve and what you want to contribute- even if it’s just getting up every day and considering options for ways to serve and contribute- even if its to make cookies all day and deliver them to anyone you can find (along with a hug).

Get serving! Get contributing! Don’t even worry about how, where or what. It’s hard for God to steer a parked car! There you are, slumped along the side of a road, waiting for inspiration- waiting for a sense of purpose to come to you. It may not come!

• I lack a sense of vision, passion, contribution and purpose.

• I am parked along the side of life’s road, waiting for direction on how to contribute to people’s lives.

• Unwilling to move without a vision or purpose, but unwilling to receive vision because I’m not moving.

Self Betrayed

• Lack of integrity. Loss of virtue. Unresolved darkness.

• Lack of personal power (struggling with boundaries).

• Buried feelings (not facing and feeling what’s inside).

• Addictions that I haven’t faced.

• Blame, accusations, projections vs. accountability.

• Unforgiving. Withholding love. Exiling someone. Unforgiving of self.

• Living in victim story, my story of helplessness, or my story of distrust.

• Afraid to risk. Always playing it safe- the ultimate “Mahana the friend.”

• Avoiding and/or denying needed change (diet, relationships, career etc.)

• Protected, hibernating, pretending to be happy.

• Unwilling to tell myself the truth (the whole truth).

• I judge people quickly and harshly. I judge myself harshly.

• B-choice fests, in food, work and relationships.

After the above assessment…

• Contemplate the above ratings, taking special note of the higher numbers.

• Notice where it might be hurting even more than you realized. This could be at the bottom of your current upset or depression.

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.

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Inspiring Input

• The Bible

• Bernard Burchard

• Tony Robbins

• Tabernacle Choir

• The Chosen (Greatest T.V. show ever made)

• Touched by an Angel (Great for it's time. Still good)

• Pastor Stephen Furtick or other inspiring talks from spiritual leaders

• Click here for possibilities.

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🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Ho'oponopono

This breakthrough method has changed the lives of millions, mainly through Joe Vitalie's book, "Zero Limits." This is also found in the Clearing Sequence (click to the left) but is included here as a stand-alone "5 minute breakthrough."

The following is paraphrased from an interview with Joe Vitalie: "Zero Limits" is the true story of a therapist who helped an entire ward of mentally ill criminals by using this Hawaiian process called Ho’oponopono. These people were shackled and sedated because they were so dangerous. They were murderers, they were rapists, they were violent.

The hospital couldn’t keep staff, it couldn’t keep doctors. In a desperate attempt to get a doctor on call, they found this Hawaiian therapist who said, “Well, I’ll go and I’ll be there as your therapist, and satisfy your state requirements, but I’m not going to do traditional therapy. I’m going to do Ho’oponopono.”

So he started doing Ho’oponopono, (the 4 phrases below), without even seeing the patients, but rather, by looking at each name in the file of patients and doing this little prayer, one by one, day after day for some time.

Only after this would he then start visiting patients. As he continued in this process (the phrases accompanied by his visits), the patients got better. They didn’t have to be shackled. They didn’t have to be sedated. In a few months, they started to be released, being pronounced as healed and whole. In four years, that ward was closed.

The four phrases used by the therapist Joe talks about are so simple. He, as well as you, with a trouble in mind (or a relationship), can simply repeat these four phrases inside yourself, over and over until you feel a little more clear and at peace. The phrases are:

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

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“Ho’oponopono” for Traits or Disease

A helpful variation of the above can be used for disease and self-defeating behaviors (or traits).

Interestingly, both self-defeating behaviors or negative character traits and illness are somewhat of a separate, false aspect of our divine, vibrant and whole nature (a child of God).

Illness can be an unconscious attempt to protect yourself from any more emotional harm.  It’s as if part of you is saying “She’s been hurt enough- better to shut her down completely (even if it means leading her out of this life) than to incur any more emotional pain.”

Painful, self defeating beliefs or traits can also be an unconscious protection from what I call the "Ultimate Disappointment" your unconscious self keeping you going around in circles unsuccessful and frustrated to avoid even the even more with painful disappointment of actually having a meaningful, effective life only for it to all end in some way or for you to conclude it's not as great as you thought it would be.

This kind of unconscious protection isn’t a a good program.  So it’s time for a conversation with this part of you.

Step 1) Identify a self defeating behavior or adverse physical condition i.e. defensiveness, pride, self-importance, jealousy, lust, anger etc. or thyroid issues, stomach or kidney issues, diabetes, cancer etc.

Step 2) In metaphysical sense (sort of a 6th sense moment), get eye to eye with this part of you. Addressing this part of you (illness or self defeating behavior or belief), use the traditional Ho’oponopono in bluegreen and/or the "extras" in orange.

• I’m Sorry.

• Please Forgive Me.

• Thank You.

• I love you.

• I know it hurts. I understand what you’re trying to do.

• You’re trying to protect me. But it’s not working out very well for me.

• I’m sorry I’ve lead you here.

• Thank you.

• I love you.

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“Ho’oponopono” Variation: Loving Kindness Meditation

Inspired by Tulku Thondup

"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness" Ps. 51:1.

Step by Step Process:

1) Decide on some phrases that you experience as healing and connecting- Recommended phrases are: May I live in safety. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.

You can substitute any of these with phrases that resonate for you, or add extra ones.

2) Gently repeat the each phrase With each phrase, you will often notice some resistance- usually somewhere right above your stomach. Be present to this for just a moment and allow it to naturally thin and move out from your body into the space in front of you or around you (away from you). This only takes a few seconds. Then go on to the next phrase until you've completed them all.

3) Repeat the phrases (and above process) over and over again... If you find your attention wanders, don't worry about it. Just gently bring your mind back and begin again. Continue until you feel the level of peace, calm and compassion you are seeking. May I live in safety. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.

To take this even further, go on to the other steps.

4) Call to mind somebody that you care about— Get a feeling for their presence, and direct phrases of loving-kindness to them. May you live in safety. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.

5) Call to mind someone you know who's having a difficult time right now and repeat the above process, repeating the phrases and allowing a release of resistance, over and over until you feel complete.

6) Call to mind someone who you resist- who's opinions seem crazy and/or who seems a thorn in your side in some way and repeat the above process, repeating the phrases and allowing a release of resistance, over and over until you feel complete.

7) Think of someone who plays some “neutral” role in your life, - maybe the checkout person at the supermarket where you shop etc. If someone like that comes to mind, imagine them sitting in front of you, and offer these same phrases of loving-kindness to them. May you live in safety. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.

This practice opens us to the possibility of including rather than excluding, connecting, rather than overlooking and caring rather than being indifferent. - Tulku Thondup

Click below for the complete story on "Loving Kindness Meditation."

What is Loving-Kindness Meditation? (Incl. 4 Scripts + Youtube Videos)

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🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

What Could I Bring?

Note: This can be an additional resource for step 10 in 10 Step Breakthrough (declaring a new reality) just a really cool, fast, stand-alone breakthrough. This is actually one of my favorites.

Instructions:

1) Identify your subject line (upset, situation, dilemma, drama, issue etc.)

2) Looking through the list of virtues (or elements) below (or, just going by instinct), determine what you could bring to this i.e. "I'm going to bring ______" or "I bring _______" or just say the virtue or element i.e. "Gratitude."

Pick as many as seem to fit.

3) List all the ways, in writing, or out loud (if you're walking or driving) you could and hopefully will bring this virtue or element, then go on on to the next virtue or element you could bring.

I could bring ____________ (How? In what way?)

1. Allowance or unconditional acceptance

2. Gratitude

3. Validation

4. Encouragement

5. Compassion

6. Connection

7. Love

8. Forgiveness

9. Excellence

10. Service

11. Enrollment (or invitation to _________ )

12. Trust

13. Hope

14. Faith

15. Wisdom

16. Fun

17. Time &/or Patience

18. Extraordinary self-discipline or self mastery

19. Emotional Independence

20. Flexibility or willing to change

21. Communication (willing to have a conversation)

22. Physical touch or affection

23. Open minded

24. Endurance

25. Passion

Example: As I write this section, I'm reclining on my couch, having recently returned from a visit with my Doctor, trying to determine a solution to a health challenge. It doesn't look like I'm at death's door, but my current condition right now is a bit unsettling.

After writing the above list, I thought, "Might as well try this." So, I started going down the list, saying "I could bring....", then on to the next line.

I stopped at "trust." It resonated with me. I started brainstorming on how or what...

"I could trust my doctor that he will guide me in a professional way." "I could trust God that if it's not the best time to go, He'll keep me on earth." "I could trust my wife that she's in this with me, open to inspiration on solutions" "I can trust that everything works to the good of those that believe." "I can trust that life is for me, not against me- that the system works." "I can trust in the effectual nature of medical processes." "I will trust in the miracle of God healing me."

Glad I just did this. Thanks for joining me!

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🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Resolve Irrational Thoughts (CBT)

It's amazing how seriously we take our thoughts- like they are solid vs. fluid- stone vs. water. They are just thoughts. They are not forces of nature that we suddenly find ourselves up against, like a rainstorm or a flood or mountain. They are operating programs that we create!

I'll never forget when I got my first blast of this idea. I was sharing my perspective on something with my friend Connie (an expert in "Landmark Education", also known as CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I felt justified in my upset feelings as I articulated my conclusions. But Connie wasn't buying it. "You made that all up" she said. "What do you mean?! I didn't make it up. This is how it is." But she insisted that just like a fairy tale I had created, from scratch, a story around some events- my interpretation of something that had happened- the meaning I attached to what otherwise was just an event. I'd made it up!

In this frame or "mode" (and this 5 minute breakthrough), the solution is self-evident. Our thoughts are like little slivers in our brains, and just like pulling something out of your finger, once you see it- once you see a thought, from the outside in, often, you can gently and effortlessly remove it. In fact, once you see it, it kind of just disappears all by itself.

The 10 Step Breakthrough is a comprehensive treatment of this framework (CBT"). Isolated here, it can be an effective 5 Minute Breakthrough.

Action Use Byron Katie's "4 Questions" (in what she calls "The Work") to challenge irrational (or in other words, unproductive) thoughts.

• Question 1: Is it true? (Is this thought that you're thinking true?)

• Question 2: Can you absolutely know it's true?

• Question 3: How do you react- what happens- when you believe this thought?

• Question 4: Who would you be without the thought?

• Turn the thought around (How is this a projection, or how is the opposite of this thought true?)

Example: Irrational Thought
“Why does he get to do whatever he wants, and not me?” (i.e. spends more money, hangs out with his buddies while I'm home with the kids or doing laundry etc.)

Resolve: (with Katie's 4 questions, above, as a backdrop).
Who told you that you don't get to do what you want? Is this true? or, who's approval might you be seeking in not doing what you want to do? or, is it possible that you made it up that you need his or her approval? Is it possible that you could be happy without his or her (or their) constant approval?

One of my favorite podcasts for more on this (CBT) is Couples Coach, Natalie Clay. You'll hear tons of great examples in her interviews.

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🏖 Five Minute+ Breakthrough (or Warm Up for a Combo)

Practical Solution

This is one of my favorite breakthroughs because the solution IS the breakthrough and what you were looking for all along, without further descent into resistance or distrust.

Examples:

1) Finances

Problem: Differences on money and budget- how much who can spend on what?

Usual Course: Endless conversation, making your partner wrong, comparing and judging each other's values, history, childhood fears and wounds about scarcity, whatever.

Practical Solution: Open 2 bank accounts and mind your own business. If you're a stay at home Mom, create an agreement regarding how much gets put in your account every week.

2) Messy house

Problem: Differences on standards in neatness, cleanliness etc.

Usual Course: Endless criticism of one spouse for being a slob and the other spouse for being OCD and needing a perfect house at all times.

Practical Solution: Spend the money you're losing on arguments (time is money) on a maid. Stop talking about it and hire a freaking maid! (or pay your kids to clean everything perfectly. See www.pathofpeace.org/fgps)

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🙃 Walk List

Breakthrough Questions - for Urgent Use

This is a a special of breakthrough tools for when you're p_____ off. Some of this is found in other breakthroughs, but is put forth here for emergencies. ****

Click here for WALK LIST RECORDING (better for walks)

Be wise. Take a walk. This young man is using the “Walk-List.” Because of this, when he is old, he will still be married to the same person he’s married to now.

Why is this called the “Walk List" There was once a very old man, about 96, living in a small community. A local paper did a story on him. He was asked, “What’s your secret to long life.” His answer: “When I first married, I promised myself that if I ever got upset with my wife, instead of saying something I didn’t mean, I would take a walk. So, all the fresh air is the reason I’m so healthy.”

Walk List - Part 1 (Just Notice)

Just notice you’ve got some kind of a story going on i.e. “Hey, I’ve got a story about this!”

It may be helpful to note several different kinds of “stories.”

• Victim story (“I can’t believe he did this to me.”)

• Villain story (“She’s always so critical. That’s our biggest problem.”)

• Helpless story (“There’s nothing I can do. There’s no way out. It will always going to be like this.”)

• Redemption story (“If he will just see it my way or do what he’s supposed to, I’ll feel much better about myself.”)

• General distrust (“People don’t care. This world sucks. Nothing turns out. Everything’s against me.”)

Walk List - Part 2 (Main Questions)

1) In considering my spouse's behavior, how is he or she just like me? In what ways? What is it that he or she wants, that I also want? What is it he or she is afraid of that I may be afraid of? (See complete content in #4 below)

2) How am I doing to my spouse what I perceive him or her doing to me?

3) What's really going on with my spouse that may be causing this? What is it that he or she needs that perhaps I could assist with or supply. Is there anything else I’m not seeing? What is God trying to show me?

4) Is there a hidden message of love? i.e. ****

• If someone is defensive, the hidden message of love could be “I need your love.”

• If someone is critical, the hidden message of love could be “I need to count on you.”

• If someone is obstinate, the hidden message of love could be: “I need to feel self-determined, whole & free. If I am the one choosing in my life then I feel like I can choose to love you.”

• If someone is inconsiderate, the hidden message of love could be: “I’m afraid. I’m alone. I don’t feel good enough for anyone’s love. I’m lost in my need for your approval and affirmation. I want to break through from my isolation and come through for you. I love you.”

• If someone is angry, the hidden message of love could be: “I feel out of control or threatened. Because I trust you and love you more than anyone, you are who I feel the most let down and get angry at the most.”

• If someone is is apathetic (checked out), hidden message could be: “I’m hurt, discouraged & lost. I don’t know how to find my way back. I want to love again. I want you to love me again. Please find me so I can come back to you. I love you.”

Walk List - Part 3 (Advanced Questions, for long, long walks)

5) To what degree am I wanting something from my spouse (or partner) that he or she is unable or unwilling to give?  (This is a look at how controlling I'm being).

• Have I convinced myself that if my partner would just __________ I would feel better?

• Is that true?

• Can I ever really heal what's hurting inside of me by controlling him or her?

• If my spouse cooperated with what I need from him or her, what would that make me feel?

• How is making my spouse the solution to problems working out for me, or for him or her? (In other words, If I tend to not feel like I'm enough, how is it working for me to insist that he or she make me feel like I am enough?).

• Does my spouse control what I feel?

• How possible is it that I already have (or could have) whatever it is I feel I need from my wife?

• Am I being inviting and creating enrollment or am I just being controlling?

• To what degree am I willing to give up my fit, quiet my mind, draw closer to God and get back to the centering questions?

6) How is this person's behavior a mirror of some of my own behavior? What is it that he or she wants or is afraid of that would cause him or her to ____________? Go deep on this one. The more you can see yourself in your partner, the more negative energy you will release.  What is it that he or she wants or is afraid of that would cause him or her to _______ (the behavior that’s upsetting you)?”

7) What’s missing from this picture? What am I not seeing?

• What am I not seeing? (in general). Wait for an answer. If nothing comes, keep going (below).

• What am I not seeing about what this person really wants or needs?

• What am I not seeing about what's going on in this person's life?

• How can I be sure that how I'm looking at this is how it is?"

• What he or she afraid of?

• What am I afraid of or what is it I need?

• What am I not seeing about who this person really is?

• What am I not seeing about who I really am, and what I already have- deep inside of me- regardless of what my spouse is doing or not doing- saying or not saying?

• What am I not seeing about what's going on in my life?

• What am I not seeing about why I am responding like this?

• Heavenly Father, what is it I need to know?”

Note: ask your Heavenly Father to give you a guided tour through your spouse's heart. Ask Him to lead you into the different rooms of his or her life and experiences, his or her fears, or buried feelings and needs. God can and will show much to a humble heart.  Get humble and ask for a tour!

8) How did I create this problem and/or how am I still creating it? Which of the following could apply to you?

• Controlling (bugging, nagging, arguing or trying to get my way).

• Criticizing, complaining or showing disappointment (even an implication of disappointment).

• Checked out, not attentive or responsive.

• Blaming, judging, comparing etc.

• Too many answers. Not enough questions. Not enough listening and empathy.

• Not sensitive to his or her needs or feelings.

• Not putting his or her needs first.

• Thoughtless, reckless in the way I talk, panicked, angry or hysterical. Not careful.

• Moralizing and lecturing instead of listening, encouraging and supporting.

• Being defensive about any of the above, instead of being repentant & apologizing.

9) How can I be the solution?  (List the ways)

Instead of living in blame & looking to my spouse or partner as the cause of our problem and as holding the keys for the cure, how can I cure this?  How can I be the solution?  Get present with how compelling your hallucination is that this is about him or her!  Pray to be free of this and to have God open your heart to a view of yourself as the cause and pray for the strength to rise up as the solution!  What are some ways you could be the solution? Consider the following:

• Apologizing.

• Initiating a "Love seat" or a "Real Conversation."

• Mastering "Managing Incoming"

• Being true to the principles of mutual respect, one issue at a time, using an issues list, issues management meetings and other Path of Peace principles.

• Praying for humility.

• Learning to take time out and take a walk vs. firing back.

• Making sure that his or her needs are met, financially, emotionally, recreationally, sexually and spiritually.

• Looking for more ways to serve him or her (even asking him or her for ideas i.e. "How can I love you best today?")

• Asking God to fill your heart with forgiveness, love, leadership, patience, etc. whatever it is you need to lead your relationship on to victory!

• From LDS, ARP, ask: "Is there anything I can say or do, without pretense, which will lead to a respectful solution for me and ___________ (spouse, child, friend etc.)?"

If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and choose another section.

For one on one breakthrough training, schedule an appointment with John or text Narelle @ 801 548 8212.

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Last but most...

👼🏼 ARP

Addiction Recovery or "12 Step"

This section is last but far from least.

The breakthrough we seek is often at the bottom of a very dark well. There God waits for us. There, with no other hope but Him, He can finally reach us.

This is the beauty of the ARP meetings. I have been to many. They have been a profound blessing. I went, not because I was addicted to substance or pornography etc., but because I felt somewhat addicted to destructiveness- behavior resulting in what I didn't want, vs. what I truly did want.

Concrete examples (just from me personally):

• needing to be right

• needing to get my way

• needing a loved one's approval (and willing to defend myself at all costs)

• needing to be seen in a certain light (addicted to my image)

• addicted to my blame or accusation against someone

• needing a certain relationship to continue (one that's over - needing her love)

• french fries, caffeine, refined sugar deserts etc.

• youtube videos about electric scooters (which I'm obsessed with) but have only provided temporary relief in stressful times)

You get the picture.

Why are these addictions? Because they are things I would hold- that have given me some kind of warped, familiar, momentary comfort or relief, but that in the end, lead away from all I actually want.

Attending ARP for me was like pure oxygen. There, I found myself in a room of people at the bottom of a well of everything else they'd tried, with only one hope: God. So there, in those meetings, He join us. There are no other meetings like these.

From here, the program has a powerful focus:

1) Our complete, 100%, pure, sincere, acknowledgement of the negative, destructive choices we’ve made

Note: How much destruction can a donut cause, or needing to being right? Good question. But a better question is: How bad do you want the happiness you were born for? These meetings aren't for everyone, but perhaps, like me, you could be blessed by even more resources than you're currently subscribed to. Just a thought.

2) A complete, 100% sincere determination to turn away from our destructiveness (meaning any behavior that isn't producing happiness) and turn into the love, trust and hope God is willing to fully plant in our hearts.

ARP is a comprehensive path to this end.

The more you walk this path, the less you will see everyone and everything as against you.

The more you turn from your own self betrayal and self abandonment, the less you will see others as betraying and abandoning you.

Again, ARP isn't for everyone but is set forth here as a possibility amongst many other wonderful options in book.

Click here to go to ARP recordings, videos and manual

|If you’re feeling complete with your breakthrough work, stop here. Congratulations! If not, get present with how much upset or “resistance” you are still experiencing before going on. You may want to give it a number, from 1 to 10. Then Return to Handbook Table of Contents

💚 Conclusion (Trust)

Though Breakthrough applies to all 9 Agreements, Agreement 2 (Unconditional Trust) exists as the most dynamic intersection.

In fact, "unconditional" trust (as Randy Jacobs terms it) is the essence of breakthrough- whether in the context of trusting our own potential and goodness (see 10 Step) or someone else's (See Clearing Sequence.)

Perhaps the most epic example is the Savior.

Even while suffering unthinkable pain and mistreatment, in a sense, Jesus chose to trust the very people who were crucifying Him by acknowledging who they really were- way down deep, beneath the darkness of their behavior - “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Through living in breakthrough (any and all kinds), you and I, also, can find our way to the trust that opens our hearts. And what a wonderful life this will be.

Return to Handbook Table of Contents

📖 Index