Your Life is a Boat

I took up sailing recently. Narelle joined me a few times, but was hesitant based on my first sailing adventure with her in Fiji several years ago. I convinced Narelle that being raised in San Diego, I was an expert sailor. I might have overstated this a bit, since I’d only sailed once before.

What ultimately convinced her to join me in Fiji was telling her that I WAS Kevin Costner and this was our “Message in a Bottle” romantic moment.

Anyway, things were going pretty well in Fiji on the catamaran until I failed to notice the warning buoys marking a clear “no entrance” zone, leading to the coral reefs. We were heading straight into it. I think it was unnerving for Narelle when an employee from the resort came speeding up to us on his motorboat screaming for us to turn back.

My experience this year has been much better, but not just because of how fun sailing is.

While on the boat I noticed some striking parallels between my life (probably your life too) & the boat.

Rudder

The rudder sets my destination. It’s my goals- what I see for my life and pointing myself in that direction i.e. health, a happy marriage & family, specific career goals etc.

The wind represents unchanging principles. For example as I exercise more, my blood pressure decreases. As I spend more time planning, I tend to get more done in a day. In deeper realms, as I treat others as I wish to be treated I enjoy my relationships more.

If I’m right with these principles- if I’m in line with how things work, then God fills my sails with grace and energy & off I go toward my goals. If I get slack or inconsistent, at the wrong angle with the wind, I lose momentum.

Dagger

The part of the boat that strikes me the most is the keel (or “dagger” as it’s called on little boats). The keel represents my habits. Sunk deep in the water beneath the boat, the keel (my habits, my consistent application of correct principles) keeps me on a straight path forward.

Without the keel (without my habits sunk deep into my life), even though my hand is on the rudder (even though my goals are clear), I end up getting pushed sideways.

This can lead to some good news: Our tendency to get blown around in circles can draw us together, to strengthen each other’s course- to cheer each other on.. As many have observed, like geese, we simply fly better, together- much better.

I know this has been true with me. I work so much better with team support & a sense of accountability. Without this, I end up as they say in sailing, “dead in the water”, & my sails (my life) “flapping in the wind.”

This is what I’ve taken away from my sailing adventures:

*The boat is you.

*The rudder is your goals- where you’re trying to go.

*The angle you get yourself with the wind (harnessing the power of the wind) are the principles you live by.

*The keel is your habits (your DAILY application of these principles).

Water & Waves

Written to my son Stephen from a Cruise Ship around 2015

I love the water off the deck of these ships- huge splashes off the bow of the boat, on windy nights, crashing down on the deep blue, night ocean- waves that seem to be screaming to me as I walk by: "I'm alive!  I'm alive.  I'm moving, and flowing and living and celebrating!"   

That's what I kind of hear as I am out at night with this water and these waves. 

I contrast this with my own sort of stuck, stubborn ways; being stuck in one point of view- holding on to a belief that isn't working out very well, insisting on continuing in a pattern that isn't leading to where I want to go- very different from these frothy, blue and white crashing, splashing, wonderful waves. 

They celebrate their motion- their constant change. 

They celebrate the power of the currents and winds that move them. 

But perhaps most of all, it is the water itself, celebrating our ship as it surges relentlessly on it’s course.

For whereas this water was still and uneventful before our passing, it is transformed to it’s glory by the very thing that may at first seem so jarring- so unexpected and even hard to bear. Such an upset to a sleepy sea.

I hope this is you and me Stephen- that we are flowing with Heavenly Father- that we allow everything in our life to awaken us from our sleep, and passing through us (like the ship), make us brighter, make us cleaner and even more beautiful.

Why I don't want to go to church ...and why I go.

Church is Tough for Me
During Covid days, I’ve been really enjoying NOT going to church. I’ve actually LOVED it. This has caused me, to some degree, to review why I’m going and whether I’m willing to continue my membership in the church.

This morning, as I read what I copied and pasted below (from my "Come Follow Me" manual), I so got it. My son Geoffrey shared this concept with me once from the book “Planted” but I got it today at such a deep level.

Planted
As much as I don’t enjoy church that much, I can’t deny the singular opportunity to serve that comes in organized religion, especially in my church (LDS), where, instead of choosing our favorite church in town, we are "planted” in a specific neighborhood to serve members of our “ward.”

It’s relatively easy to send money to orphanages in Zambia, or even to do a yearly visit to Zambia, but God has planted me in a ward with all sorts of people- many of whom I might naturally avoid.

But here we all are, trying to look after each other, even when we don’t feel like it, trying to be there for each other.

Escaping the John Canaan Show
Someone might be lonely or depressed, or need encouragement, or even food!- or, even worse, maybe my Bishop assigns me, specifically to look after the most obnoxious person in the ward- that one person everyone avoids. Perfect. What treasures await? Compassion, tolerance, understanding, and perhaps escaping the monotony of the ongoing, daily, John Canaan show.

Even as I write this I’m feeling so grateful for being a part of organized religion, or in other words, organized love. No doubt, there’s endless good that can happen without any organization.

But just like a person who wants start exercising would do well to get a membership in a gym, I’m thankful I’ve got a membership in a love, service and spirituality gym and because of that I’ll probably be working out more than I might have normally.

"Come Follow Me" quote
"Yes, the journey back to Heavenly Father is personal and individual, …but that doesn’t mean we are alone. We need each other! ...we covenant to serve God by …serving one another along the way, “bearing one another’s burdens.” Alma’s people definitely had burdens to bear, just as we all do. And one way the Lord helps us “bear up [our] burdens with ease” is by giving us a community… who have promised to mourn with us and comfort us, just as we have promised to do for them.”

This video paints the picture.

The Way

Celestial Kingdom or Bust
I had a long conversation with a very close friend last night. She brought up something that she’s brought up once in a while through the years- that she felt bad that because I'm a member of the LDS church, my view of her is that I won't see her in the next life cause she won't be in the Celestial kingdom (Heaven).

I don't look at things like that.
How I actually do look at things is even worse:

1) To the degree that a person (any person with any belief) yields to his higher instincts- his sense of what feels good or right, then his field of light and vision increases.

By doing even what he suspects is the best thing, he will be able to perceive more truths, sense even more opportunities to do good, and see more of the path that leads to happiness (whatever the path looks like).

2) To the degree that a person goes against his own higher sense- his field of vision and understanding becomes more narrow- until he or she understands very little of the principles that lead to happiness, and instead, will tend to stew in stories of injustice, hopelessness and bitterness- eventually reaching a point of no return.

This is, in my mind, is the road to hell- "hell" meaning a state of regret, sadness or negativity that starts in this life and continues into the next.

Religion, in this view, is more a result than it is a cause.

In other words, it doesn't matter what religion a person is or what he believes- it matters that he's willing to, the best he can, tell himself the truth (whatever he senses that is) and then live the truth he senses.

Examples:
1) I sense that eating whole foods will raise the level of my energy. What's my choice?
2) I sense that I am needed- even called to action (i.e. service opportunities, rescuing a widow neighbor from loneliness etc.) Will I answer the call?, or figure out a way to justify ignoring it.
3) I feel somewhat unsettled that I haven't fully tried to understand someone's point of view- that I've been closed or stuck in being "right." How willing am I to let go of being right in favor of increasing in understanding and compassion?

The Way
Answering the call of our higher sense of things is what I call "the way" and has nothing to do with religion (other than being a Mandalorian).

Traveling "the way", all good things eventually manifest for all people. So, IF it my personal religious beliefs are true, people will find their way to this at some point. If it's my belifes are not true, it doesn't matter. What matters isn't so much whether my particular faith is true- What matters is whether I am true, or you are true.

Principles & Practices vs. Religion
True principles don't belong to a church. Church belongs to truth. The church isn't the truth. It is a part of the truth- truth that is rampant and evident through the earth, in almost all religions and so many philosophies.

Why is this all "even worse" than my friend’s assertion? Because in this view, we are each up against our negative, self-justifying, compromising selves, with no protection other than our own willingness to choose well. There's no ticket to paradise. Religion does not secure you property in heaven. There is no property. There is only choice.

Conscience & Instincts vs. Impulses
Heaven is the direct result of consistently living your conscience- not your impulses, not your rationalizations- but of passionately living your vision- your built-in drive to contribute all you can and to show up as the very best version of yourself - to give your very best, like Brock did in this click - “Death Crawl.”

“The Way” - P.S. Dec. 30, 2020 - Intuition vs. Feelings

Finding “The Way” without Religion
Just finished talking with someone else very dear to me who has “dis identified” (as he puts it) with our church the past year or so, but felt he could still find “the way” without religion.

There is something noteworthy in this: Without any exception, everyone I know who’s path veers away from their religion also veers further away from “the way.” This doesn’t need to be. It just usually is.

The reason for this, in my view, is that they have either lost their heart for the big picture of happiness that’s possible and/or they’ve given up the will to continue in the principles and disciplines that lead to it.

You Get What You Pay For
I believe when we entered this earth, the last thing that was said to us was probably “Remember, above all, you get what you pay for” - in marriage, in health, in spirituality, in profession. This is always true. Even “getting” the grace of God in our lives requires paying our humility, paying our willingness and “paying” the time and attention required to avail ourselves to it. So even Grace has a price.

Iron Rod
Here’s the secret, as I shared with this beloved friend today: Your feelings are not your master. And even “I’m not sure If I even want this level of happiness” is, after all, just a feeling.

The universal image of the iron road mentioned in scripture (the way that leads to happiness) and the mist of darkness that shrouds our path is infinitely meaningful.

No matter what you’re feeling in the mist, hold on the iron road (high principles and practices). Go with your instincts, not your feelings. Get to where the real you is trying to get to, not the temporary you lost in the mist.

Choose with Open Eyes
In the end we will all choose our level of happiness, creativity, contribution and consciousness. My advice to my friends is: choose with open eyes, meaning, tell yourself the truth about what you even suspect works and what doesn’t.

This is the price of happiness- telling yourself the truth and going with your instincts, and you get what you pay for.

I think at some level we all wish that wasn’t true, but it is. It is the greatest and the worst news in eternity and existence.

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Extra Notes

This scripture, in particular, has guided my vision of how the universe works (“The Way”):

Alma 12:10-11 ...he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word (less light and truth); and he that will not harden his heart (who will lean into his highest instinct), to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full.

And they that will harden their hearts (go against their own good sense), to them is given the less...until they know nothing concerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell. (italics added)

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“The Way” - Application to organized religion

Here’s an exercise that could serve you.

Regardless of your specific beliefs about God, Jesus, Heaven, scripture, prophecy etc., consider the possibilities in organized religion, but this, time- rather than with resistance, with an open mind and heart. What good might be possible inside the following? Just ask, and be present to your own discernment. See what you feel.

• Meeting with others, regularly, to receive and provide encouragement. As Joel Osteen so simply puts, “we fly better as a flock.”

• Reaching out to specific people (ministering) in your own neighborhood, on a regular basis, to discover unique ways to bless their life and unique abilities in yourself.

• Being part of a neighborhood family (a “ward” or congregation) filled with judgmental or insane people (just like you) where you can heal your tendency to judge- turning your heart directly into people you’d rather run from. What could be the benefit?

• Food storage, against future disasters.

• Genealogy and creating a vast sense of continuity with respect to your family and your identity.

• Health codes i.e. no alcohol and smoking. What could a support group that holds this value offer you or your children?

• A code of chastity. Again, what could a support group that holds this value offer you? What could the result of this support be in your children’s lives?

Birds of a Feather

Recently we received an email after our 2-day Workshop:

“During the seminar John said that we marry our self (paraphrased, of course). Was John able to describe the father of my children so well from looking at me? From his point of view, was he describing me? “ 

I don’t see the similarity

Great question.

Interesting thing about a mirror is that in one sense it is the exact opposite of what others are seeing. It's backwards. People very much attract others that are at similar levels of fear [“Birds of a feather flock together” and “water seeks its own level”] but  we usually play out our fear in opposite ways.

For example, as Harville Hendrix describes, most couples include a "fuser" and an "avoider."  So a "fuser" wife for instance (who energetically clings and begs etc.) may be acting on a fear level of 8, creating a perfect mirror for her husband who is an "avoider" (who runs, hides, stone-walls etc.) and who is also acting out his fear (which might also be at 8).

What am I saying?  God and His universe naturally creates the perfect opportunity for the growth He wants for us by making us naturally inclined toward what seems like the perfect mismatch- the perfect storm- where my fears (which might be at 7 or 8), draw into my life someone who experiences fears at 7 or 8 (but backwards from ours). This is God's plan for giving us weakness so that in our humility we will experience weak things become strong. 

By seeing that our spouse, in this sense, is just what the Doctor ordered, we are inclined toward the humility required to live Agreement 3 ("I'm willing to lead you toward something that works for both of us") rather than as Jenkins Joe once put it, “run out of the house screaming that I’ve been robbed.”

Buddha once said, "each day we meet ourself."  It is a frustrating part of life. It is also part of the way God has prepared for us to meet him.  So in answer to your question, no I don't see your husband in you. I see you in you- the you that found a man who was probably close to the level of fear you were experiencing at the time you met him, but who acted out his fear in very different ways than you do, hence, “the perfect storm.”

One final piece of the picture: There's who you are at the time of saying "I do" and there is, through your choices and habits, who you each become.  Agreement 3 says, "I'm on a high path. It's beautiful. I'd love for you to join me. But it's up to you. I will do everything I can to inspire you to come along, but in the end, following God (for me) is more important than even you."  

This kind of message is a very rare moment. In years of coaching couples I rarely see this. Most of the time, I see people who are mirrors of each other in the sense I’ve described, blaming each other for the melt down.

People are reluctant to see that they are each acting out, in different ways, on similar levels of fear. Most are reluctant to see that the perfect storm of each of their fears spiraling up into a hurricane. In this sense, most are reluctant to see that they have married them self, and that there is nowhere to run for wherever you run, the one person that will still be there is you. 

What's the solution?  For people currently wanting to bolt, it's so important to understand what Buddha was saying.  For people that have suffered the pain of divorce like Narelle and I and you, there is a path that will fully invoke not only a perfectly clear picture of our pasts but a perfectly peaceful feeling about our future. 

The mission of Path of Peace is to assist people onto this path and to stay on it for the rest of their lives.

This particular article relates to Agreement 3 (Boundaries) and 8 (Face Into the Wind). Click here for an overview of all 9.

Flooded

I was watering my plant this morning. It hadn’t been watered in a while. I was excited to take care of it so I got a glass of water and really poured it on. It couldn’t absorb it fast enough and quickly became “flooded.”

I noticed however, that if I would pour in just a little bit, wait, and then pour some more, it could easily take in the whole glass of water.

I thought of relationship researcher John Gottman’s use of the word “flooded” - “Too much input. I’m getting overwhelmed.  I’m going down. May day! May day! Please, no more- at least for now.”

It is especially easy to feel flooded in an intimate relationships where this other person’s approval is more important to you than anyone else.

Where does this lead us? Yes, you want to provide helpful input, but no, you don’t want to flood your plant, or your loved one.

So when you have a large volume of feelings and/or input to share with a loved one, just give a little bit at a time, slowly, layer by layer, in a calm, back and forth conversation, where each of you is hearing and validating each other’s perspective.

The Bible points out that “perfect love casts out all fear.”  So it is with input. As a calm, mutually respectful conversation unfolds, so does your input gently reach the roots of the person you are trying to guide - the person who needs to feel your love who’s love you also need, so that rather than flooding him, you are nourishing him so that he or she can better come through for you.  

Much more on this at The Way to a Man’s Heart / The Way to a Woman’s Heart.  We hope you can join us. Click here for dates or to register.


John and Narelle Canaan facilitate the “Path of Peace” seminars and workshops - a faith-based resource for excellence in relationships and life mastery. Register for the next free seminar

Morning Prayer

Pray until you feel the connection. Pray because prayer is the key in getting first things first in your mind and in your heart.  And without first things first, there is no power, point or reason to do anything you’re so anxious to do after the prayer.

Pray because connecting with His love, and His power makes the good things you want possible. Pray as long as you need too. Everything else will still be there. Nothing is going to get done right anyway (even if it does get done) without a real prayer.

Pray because you need to know you are loved and important if you’re going to assist others in knowing that they are loved and important.  Pray because without Him at the center, everything else becomes too important and your world becomes too brittle to manage.

Pray because in His world, the world you enter in prayer, there is peace and happiness, and maybe, after the prayer you can take some of this into your world.

Pray and meditate until you are in the present—the blessed “now.”  That’s where God lives, in this eternal present. So, live with Him. Draw near to Him-- but more so, draw into Him, or into His way.  His way is the present. Be in the present then for at least a little while—long enough to put your head on his bosom, like John the Beloved leaned on Jesus.  

Lean on God, through Christ. Come unto Him. Stay here for a while. Fill up with joy and gratitude, then, address the vision for your life and the priorities for the day.  See, more fully who and how to serve. Feel the ideas flow, and the guidance begin to build. Now is the time to rise from your knees and begin your day. This is the way to start your day.

Where it Hurts the Most

Where It Might Hurt the Most, or What do Zombies Have to do With Agreement 5?

We all feel a certain amount of pain, seemingly all the time.  Agreement 5 (Heal the Real Wounds) says: “I am willing to be present to where it hurts & to develop solutions.”

In this, consider the possibility of a hierarchy of pain.

Earth Pain
At the bottom is what I call “Earth Pain.”  It just hurts to be here on earth. Neil Maxwell said “we are a timeless people caught temporarily in time…  Clearly, time is not our natural habitat.” With the curtains drawn on the infinite sense connection we perhaps once had, it’s easy to feel lonely!

Abused and Betrayed
On top of this, to one degree or another, we are born into a trans-generational wave of dysfunction, shame, anger and abuse.  For many, this karmic river of opportunity flows deep. Millions suffer each day with very painful life experiences. More or less, we all understand where it hurts when it comes to feeling abused, abandoned or betrayed by someone.

Self Betrayed
In a sense, there isn’t much we can do about “earth pain” or being abused and betrayed. Both of these just come with the territory. We are here on earth. We are born into dysfunction. We can and should feel the pain, give as much as we can to God and develop therapeutic possibilities for healing.   

The third dimension of pain is the most important because it is the dimension we have the most control of; self betrayal

There are obvious ways we betray ourselves- negative self talk, dishonesty, abusing others, abusing ourselves, acting out of integrity, the list goes on.  Perhaps the place it hurts the most, is the least obvious:

It hurts when we betray our basic nature to love and to serve.  

We are designed to touch others. We are designed to lift others, and when we don’t, it really hurts.  

Compounding an already gnawing sense of earth pain and abandonment, not serving creates to a life sentence of even worse loneliness and unhappiness.  

There is only one way to free ourselves from this kind of isolation.  The world around us, the people that God brings into our path, has to move from theory to reality.  Your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, everyone, must become a chance for you to serve and to touch someone else.  For as I reach out to touch your life, I am freed from prison.

In the movie, I Am Legend, Will Smith survived a zombie apocalypse.  He and his dog, for a while, seem to be the only one’s still left (at least in his area).  Every few days he goes to a video store. He has set up some manikins there to make it seem like there are other people. At one point, in tears, he pleads with one of the manikins, “Please say hello to me. Please.” But the manikin isn’t real, she cannot talk to him.  What is perhaps even more sad, is that she cannot hear him. If he were to reach out to her, she could not feel his touch. He cannot affect her for good.  He cannot touch, or heal or inspire her life, because she is not real.

This is so lonely for Will.  The world is spinning by without him. He is not part of anything because he cannot serve anyone.  Then, suddenly, another real human being appears. His spirits are lifted. They embark on a project together to find a zombie vaccine and ultimately Will gives his own life to save humanity.  

This is how much we need to serve- that if it means losing our own life, en route to completely and permanently touching someone else, it is a price we are willing to pay.

Where it hurts the most is where it is easiest to get things backwards.  As hard as we try to gain happiness, by what we can get, nothing else seems to work but service. We are, as the Jesus suggested, designed to lose our lives in service- to feel fully alive as we fully give, as we fully touch and invest in others. As we do, our world is transformed from an empty store, full of manikins to a world of warmth, connection and love.

In “Healing the Real Wound” (Agreement 5), service is the bulk of the medicine we are seeking.

Click here for an overview of all 9 Agreements.

"And"

Jesus said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

In a sense, unless you're willing to love your neighbor and yourself,  you really can't love either!  Love is like the sun.  It shines.  Period.  It doesn't shine on some and not others.  So, if I choose love, it's toward you and me. 

As Covey said, "Love is a verb."  So the way I shine on you and on me is caring for you and caring for me too.  But how does this look when it comes to boundaries?

In a sense, God gives us two jobs: 

Job 1, to love our neighbor- to love the people He has put in our lives and the people we have drawn into our lives, and to love them with all our hearts.

Job 2, to love ourselves. 

Interestingly, we can't do either job unless we do both.  

But how? 

In sensitive situations, in your most intimate relationships, when things aren't feeling comfortable for you, how do you come through for loved ones without letting yourself down? 

One simple word: "and." 

I love you, and I love me.
I will come through for you and I will come through for me,
I will never leave you and I will never leave me.

Let's take a deeper look:

1) The word “and” is the difference between love and doormat.

If I "love" you but am not willing to love me, then I'm willing to endure a relationship or situation I'm not comfortable with.  Now instead of loving you, I have addicted myself to you and will eventually resent you.

2) The word “and” is the difference between divorce and boundaries.

If I "love" me but am unwilling to love you, then I am prone to bolt rather than committing to the wonderful and often painful process of living in my boundaries (in the centering questions).

But if I am willing to love you and me, as long as I sense your sincerity, I will never leave you. I will live in the centering questions and lovingly, consistently, relentlessly seek to guide you to something that works for both of us.  And in this, I will never leave me. 

To love your neighbor then, is to love yourself and visa versa.

So in your world, the sun is always shining and it is shining on everyone, including you.   
 

Mastery Participants, click here for more on “Agreement 3 - Boundaries”


Picture by Melissa Askew (search for Melissa on “unsplash.com”)
 

Everything is Going to Be O.K.

Agreement 7 (from the 9 Agreements) is “Assist Others In Showing Up As Their Real and Best Selves.”  This Agreement is also known as "Johnny Lingo."

Geoffrey Canaan once wrote, “We create the people in our life by what we're looking for.”

The question is, what are you looking for?   

In our fear and doubts it’s easy to expect the worst-  to anticipate inevitable disasters in the lives of those we love.  Perhaps we think this will ease the pain when this person finally and fully crashes and burns, or even dies.

The truth is, however, that what we anticipate- what we “look for” is a major factor in the outcome.  

Chances may be slim of your struggling child, spouse or friend turning around and finally emerging into the happy, productive life he or she was born for.  But you are looking for slim!  

How you see someone deeply affects how he or she sees him or her self. In one study, researchers tested 30 elementary school students, then randomly picked 5 kids and told the teacher that these kids scored as “gifted.”  Researchers tested the 30 kids later in the year and found that these 5 kids they had randomly picked actually scored higher than the rest of the class.

This is what's so miraculous about being Johnny Lingo: what you choose to see is what tends to be!

What is my message as Johnny Lingo?  What is my opportunity? It is this- that through the grace of God, I will be the mirror of possibility, of hope and even of miracles in your life.   

This is our message to our loved ones, even those that may seem lost right now:

You're going to make it!  
You are beloved of God.
You can be blessed with strength to overcome this.  
I believe in you.  
I am so excited to have you in my life.  
I know God can lead you to what you want- to what you're working toward.  

No matter how things appear, what you decide to see can be what actually is.  

Be still and hold the mirror of what you see in front of this person you love so much.  It may be against all odds, but your message will always be the same:  Everything is going to be O.K. How can it not? We were born for glory.  We were born for hope, for love, for wholeness and for happiness. 

This is the mirror you hold. This is the message you bring. Whisper this sweet truth into his or her soul: “Everything is going to be O.K.”  

Join us for The Way to a Man’s Heart / The Way to a Woman’s Heart - a 2 hour free seminar which includes more on Johnny Lingo. THIS FRIDAY NIGHT - NOVEMBER 2

Mastery participants, click here for more on Agreement 7

Running Water

I was walking along the Provo river with Narelle the other day.  It had been raining. The water was moving through its course with majesty.  It was so beautiful. There were however, little areas of trapped- still water.  I was struck by the contrast- the moving water being so awesome and beautiful vs. the still water being sort of incidental and depressed .   

Moving water is life.  It is continually embracing change- adjusting to each challenge, each new dip in its course, each bolder or fallen tree.  Still water however, is neither welcoming anything new nor releasing anything old. Consequently, still water is toxic. It is mosquitoes, bacteria, disease and death.   

It’s really such a simple choice: Embrace the opportunity for growth that is currently in front of you, or, bemoan it- joyfully navigate the boulders and fallen trees, or, move off to the side and hide out until conditions improve.

I saw a bumper sticker today, "Achieve or Abandon."   So true! To achieve is to keep moving, keep adapting and keep embracing with all the celebration and joy of a running river.  If not, then you abandon the joy in the journey; No splashing mists, no crashing sounds of water, no majestic journey of the mighty river of your life- just you, holed up somewhere with a
T. V. dinner, complaining about how things are, sitting it out until the end comes or until the universe magically conforms with your will, whichever happens first.

Don't do this. You are not still water.  You are running water. You are embracing every moment of the journey- every part- even the parts you would rather turn and run from.
You are facing into the wind, not running from it.  You aren’t just hanging on til the end. (That is the end!) You aren’t muddling along, in a quiet desperation.  You are gratefully running head first into whatever hard moment is before you. You are thanking God, with all of your heart for the very boulders, fallen trees and dips that could have otherwise caused you to pull over and die.  No! Keep going!

Face into the opportunities of growth and service that are before you. You are running water. The magic of your life, the joy we hear in your forward movement is the singularity of your commitment to choose the opportunity of growth that is before you, whatever it is. 

Agreement 8: I will choose the path of greatest opportunity. I will face my willingness and my gratitude into the hard part of the journey.

Getting uncomfortable

During a recent and very difficult breakthrough and consciousness training I attended, there were a couple of moments where what we were working on was so difficult I wanted to blow off the whole training and go buy some apple fritters.  I just couldn’t seem to get the exercises. It all felt awkward and uncomfortable! 

But often, a good sign that you’re heading in the right direction is not that you feel comfortable, but that you feel UNcomfortable.  

It would have been very comfortable for me to skip the training I mentioned above. It’s comfortable to not take risks or learn new skills. And sometimes, It’s comfortable watching others accomplish hard goals and even applauding their victories rather than creating your own. It’s comfortable being less than we are designed to be!

Andy Puddicombe (headspace.com) reminds us that our first run with consciousness and meditation (a big part of any life mastery course) can feel awkward, just like the first time you drove a car.  Think about it! Now, you just get in the car and go!

Give yourself time.  Soon enough, principles of success and life mastery, including even things like meditation and breakthrough work, will all feel very natural.

As with the Karate Kid, it is mastering “wax on / wax off” kinds of basics that propels you to personal and professional victories, as uncomfortable as they might sometimes be. Waxing a lot full of cars got uncomfortable for the Karate Kid, even painful - so did all the sanding and painting. But winning the Karate championship was glorious! So victory also awaits you! - whether it be in your relationships, your business or your health.

What we saying?  The road to what you want can include long open stretches of what you don’t want. Perfect! Stay on the road. Let us be there for you. We’re in this together!!

Love, John & Narelle

For current Mastery participants, click here for more

Rinse and repeat

Lately, with all the rainstorms and heavy winds up where I live, my car seems continually prone to looking a little dirty, and not up to his usual beaming self.  

What's worse is taking it through the car wash seems to be a signal to the heavens to make sure it rains that night.  

Without noticing it as it happens, our thinking and feelings get hit with some storms too and before we know it we're a mess.  Time to run our self through the wash.

What are the options?

Sometimes we need to pay the extra money for a super wash, with all the bells and whistles i.e. Learning to walk on fire with Tony Robbins, a trip to India to visit one of your favorite yogi masters, a 10 day fast, or the “Sending the Right Message” 2-day Breakthrough workshop with the Canaans! etc.  All this is wonderful.

But I believe there is something much more important than even these often life changing events; it is called “daily.”

I have this little blue microfiber cloth I keep in my car.   As I pulled up to my coaching office, I noticed my car was looking weather worn again.  I was about 30 minutes early before my client would arrive.  I put some water on my micro fiber and started washing, beginning at the windshield..  I went for a few minutes and then walked into my office, completely rinsed out the rag and then went back to the car.  My car didn't look much better at first, but trip after trip to the sink (about a 20 minute process), with just one little rag, I couldn't believe it - In side and out it looked like my little Subaru had spent some time at the detailer!

What occurred to me is that the big results we want occur in consequence of repeated, consistent steps- that the single mindedness and peace we long for, doesn't usually happen in a moment, or at a workshop, or in India or even at a church meeting. These kinds of resources are huge.  I recently attended an advanced consciousness training.  I go to 3 hours of church every Sunday.  I believe in big resources.  What I'm saying is that what we need, especially spiritually, we need daily, and if we will "rinse and repeat", layer by layer, breakthrough by breakthrough, grace by grace, God will be able to get us looking, on the inside, like my Subaru ended up looking on the outside.

I don't think there is a better image of our need for daily rinsing than the image of the children of Israel and Manna.

If you are part of our Mastery group, click here for more.

Let there be light

In our anger, judgement, projections and blame, as humans, we can inadvertently lead each other to believe something that is not true - that we are less than beautiful. 

Telling someone the truth about who he or she is (even when they initially resist it) is to liberate this person. It is to say “You are beautiful.  You are powerful.  You are  gifted.  You are needed!”  Hearing these kinds of words, when sincerely spoken, stirs a person's sense of potential.  It's kindling for a fire. 

What’s so fascinating about being Johnny Lingo- what it is so compelling about shining this light into the world is that it’s not just fluffing someone - it’s actually true!  How could this be? How could the lowly maid and prostitute, Aldonza suddenly become Dulcinea?  How could this young student (in the movie “Freedom Writers”) who thought so little of himself, suddenly experience his own potential- his own greatness?

The answer is, someone was willing to say the truth.  Not that it wasn’t true before, but that it was static.  In a sense, this is how something is brought into existence - someone sees something, before it appears, and perhaps even more important, someone actually says it-  “And God said Let there be light and there was light.”  Perhaps the light was there all along. Perhaps God was simply freeing the light- unleashing it.  I’m not really sure. But I do know this; that by the Almighty’s words, light came into existence.  

So it is with people’s beauty and power, potential and greatness.  Our words to each other tend to create, what was up to that point, unseen.   

So when I look at you and see you and speak the truth about you, even if it’s just something like “Good morning Norma.  You look beautiful today!”, Is that true?  Norma is 87. She’s been sick most of her life. She’s coming out of a deep depression related to several deaths in her family.  She could barely drag herself into her closet this morning to pick out a dress for church, and yet here you are telling her that she looks beautiful!? Is it true? Of course it’s true!  

We are shining, beautiful children of the living God!  We are His offspring, literally. His spiritual DNA runs through us!

Like a little flower struggling to break through the crust of the earth, everything that God is, is desperately seeking to break through the crust of doubts and limits we live in.   The only thing that’s missing sometimes is you!  The only thing that’s missing is for you, Johnny Lingo, to show up in someone’s life with the good news about who they really are.

Here’s the kicker.  It’s pretty easy to do this with people at church, at work, even on the streets.  But where it means the most is where you have felt the most frustration or hurt;  i.e. spouse, children, parents.  Despite everything, you are the person who knows them best.  “If  you can see it” they say to themselves, “then I can see it.”

And so they can.  And so they will. And here’s the best part.  What does it take for you to look past your own hurt and see the beauty and potential in your spouse or in someone else who has been a trial for you?  It takes your greatness.  It takes your forgiveness, your discernment, your spiritual connection with your Father in Heaven.  It takes the best in you. So it is that “it is the greatest part of me that sees the greatest part of you.”  (from Agreement 7).

Johnny Lingo, you see the miracle in others? You are the miracle.

Where It Might Hurt the Most

Where It Might Hurt the Most, or What do Zombies Have to do With Agreement 5?

We all feel a certain amount of pain, seemingly all the time.  Agreement 5 (Heal the Real Wounds) says: Pay attention to where it hurts for you, personally.

In this, consider the possibility of a hierarchy of pain.

Earth Pain

At the bottom is our basic human experience is what I call “Earth Pain.”  It just hurts to be here on earth. Neil Maxwell said that we are a timeless people caught temporarily in time.  “Clearly, time is not our natural habitat.” Disconnected from our previous infinite perspective, to some degree, we feel a lost and alone just being here.

Abused and Betrayed

On top of this, to one degree or another, we are born into and perpetuate a trans-generational wave of dysfunction, shame, anger and abuse.  For many, the karmic river of opportunity flows deep. Millions suffer each day with very painful life experiences. More or less, most of us understand where it hurts when it comes to feeling abused, abandoned or betrayed by someone.

Self Betrayed

With the first two dimensions of pain, there isn’t too much we can do about the incoming.  We are here on earth. We are born into dysfunction. We can and should feel the pain, give as much as we can to God and develop therapeutic possibilities for healing.   

The third dimension of pain is the most important because it is the dimension we actually have control of; self betrayal

There are obvious ways we betray ourselves- negative self talk, dishonesty, abusing others, abusing ourselves, acting out of integrity, the list goes on.  Perhaps the place it hurts the most, is the least obvious:

It hurts when we betray our basic nature to love and to serve.  We are designed to touch others. We are designed to lift others, and when we don’t it really hurts.  

It is a lonely place, a life sentence of unhappiness.  

There is only one way to free ourselves from this kind of isolation.  The world around us, the people that God brings into our path, has to move from theory to reality.   Your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, everyone, must become a chance for you to serve and to touch someone else.  For as I reach out to touch your life, I am freed from prison.

In the movie, “I Am Legend”, Will Smith survived a zombie apocalypse.  He and his dog, for a while, seem to be the only one’s still left (at least in his area).   Every few days he goes to a video store. He has set up some manikins there to make it seem like there are other people.  At one point, in tears, he pleads with one of the manikins, “Please say hello to me. Please.” But the manikin isn’t real, she cannot talk to him.  What is perhaps even more said, is that she cannot hear him. If he were to reach out to her, she could not feel his touch. He cannot affect her for good.  He cannot touch, or heal or inspire her life, because she is not real.

This is what is perhaps so lonely for Will.  The world is spinning by without him. He is not part of anything because he cannot serve anyone.  Then, suddenly, another real human being appears. His spirits are lifted. They embark on a project together to find a zombie vaccine and ultimately Will gives his own life to save humanity.  That’s how much we need to serve. This is how much meaning service has to our eternal souls, that if it means to lose our own life, en route to completely and permanently touching someone else, it is a price we are willing to pay.

Where it hurts the most is where it is easiest to get lost.   We are, as the Savior said, designed to lose our lives in the service of others.   We are designed to feel fully alive as we fully give and serve.

What if I Loved You

James Faust recounts the moving story of retired army Rick Rescorla, who on Sept. 11th, 2001 assisted in evacuating  3,700 employees from the  World Trade Center.  Using his bullhorn, he moved up the floors, working through a bottleneck on the 44th and going as high as the 72nd, helping to evacuate the people from each floor. One friend who saw Rick reassuring people in the 10th-floor stairwell told him, "Rick, you’ve got to get out, too."  "As soon as I make sure everyone else is out," he replied.

His wife had watched the United Airlines jet go through his tower. After a while, her phone rang. It was Rick.

"I don’t want you to cry," he said. "I have to evacuate my people now."

She kept sobbing.

"If something happens to me, I want you to know that you made my life."

I’ve always been fascinated by this story-  not only by the heroism of this man, but by his tender, final expression of unbridled love and gratitude for his wife.

What fascinates me is that it might have been only then, with all other considerations, disappointments and fears now swept away, that he became fully in touch with his love.  It was perhaps in that final moment that Rick knew, finally, the indescribable depth of feelings he had held inside.

I think to some degree we all hold it inside.  

There is that amazing moment at the end of the movie “The Diary of Anne Frank” that gives us this same sudden and glorious moment, springing forth from the fear that held it captive.

Throughout the movie Anne engages in flirtatious and playful bantering with a young man, also in hiding at the same residence.  Their feelings are growing but their communication is guarded.

As the Nazis, who have finally discovered her family’s hiding place begin to break down the door, Anne and the young man, move instantly into each other’s arms to embrace and to kiss.  It is an explosion of the most tender and beautiful feelings possible on earth.

Perhaps Rick, perhaps Anne, perhaps you and I cannot know all that we truly feel until it is too late.   

I hope not.  

What holds us from this hidden ocean inside of us?   

Our fear of disappointment- our abiding fear of losing something so precious.  But this is what’s so crazy about it all. If we do not venture into the possibility of love- if we do not allow our souls to drift magically into our attachment to another, then we have lost already. 

What a paradox.  On one hand I want to fully love.  I do not want my fear of loss or disappointment to protect me from all I could feel.  On the other hand I would rather be safe than in love.

I believe the solution requires a quantum leap.  Here is the leap: Is it possible to lose love- to lose what is this infinite and this glorious?  

Don’t answer with your mind. Just let the question sit inside of you for a moment.  

It is not possible. I’m not sure how.  I just know this is true.

If I love you, I love you forever.  It is as if I’ve always loved you. How can it be any other way? Relationships may change, but that which is beautiful and glorious in our experience of each other cannot change.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that our eternal spirits are in a sense, made of love- that same love that we seek and are yet so afraid of.

Years ago, (1979) I wrote a song called “”What If I loved You?”   

At the time I wrote it, I was working graveyard at an all night gas station.  It was about 3 in the morning. I sat in my glass booth, feeling a little lost and alone.  I played an A chord on my guitar, then an F minor, and the words just came -“What if I loved you?  Isn't that O.K.- to feel this way again?” I began to weep (it’s a good thing I didn’t have any customers at the moment).  This wasn’t just an appeal to the young woman I’d been dating. It was as if I was asking permission from myself, to love- and the more I asked- the more I wrote- the more the tears came.   Because the answer was “yes!”

Yes, I will feel it all.  Yes, I know I may end up feeling hurt, but yes, no matter how it goes, I will end up feeling fully alive.  Is it worth the risk?  I think so.  

Join us in saying "yes" to love at our next free event!  

"And"

Jesus said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

In a sense, unless you're willing to love your neighbor and yourself,  you really can't love either!  Love is like the sun.  It shines.  Period.  It doesn't shine on some and not others.  So, if I choose love, it's toward you and me. 

As Covey said, "Love is a verb."  So the way I shine on you and on me is caring for you and caring for me too.  But how does this look when it comes to boundaries?

In a sense, God gives us two jobs: 

Job 1, to love our neighbor- to love the people He has put in our lives and that we have drawn into our lives, and to love them with all our hearts.

Job 2, to love ourselves. 

Interestingly, we can't do either job unless we do both.  

But how? 

In sensitive situations, in your most intimate relationships, when things aren't feeling comfortable for you, how do you come through for loved ones without letting yourself down? 

One simple word:  "and." 

I will never leave you  AND   I will never leave me.

Let's take a deeper look:

1) The word “and” is the difference between love and doormat.

If I "love" you but am not willing to love me, then I'm willing to endure a relationship or situation I'm not comfortable with.  Now instead of loving you, I have addicted myself to you and will eventually resent you.

2) The word “and” that is the difference between divorce and boundaries.

If I "love" me but am unwilling to love you, then I am prone to bolt rather than committing to the wonderful and often painful process of living in my boundaries (in the centering questions).

But if I am willing to love you, and me, as long as I sense your sincerity, I will never leave you. I will live in the centering questions and lovingly, consistently, relentlessly see to guide you to something that works for both of us.  And in this, I will never leave me. 

To love your neighbor then, is to love yourself and visa versa.

So in your world, the sun is always shining and it is shining on everyone, including you.   

WalMart and Walks in the Mountains

Our work this week in Agreement 2 is using selected breakthrough methods to move from negative to positive feelings.

I was thinking about this on a walk as I passed a retirement center.  My heart sank inside of me. "I don't want to end up there” I thought.  “I don't want this last phase of my earthly journey. In fact I don't want my life on earth to end at all!  I love it here! I don't want to say goodbye to parks, to 7/Eleven, to Walmart, to DVDs, to walks in the mountains.  Why must I go through this?"

I used an air pencil and summarized my feelings to my left.  Then I waited for inspiration as I moved myself closer to God.  

Soon I felt two sweet and clear impressions, which I wrote to my right.

1) “John, everyone will go through it.  No one is left behind. It's not like you're the only one on this path.  All who you love will be with you again,” and

2) “I'll be with you through this.  Don't worry.”

Suddenly,  I had broken through some subtle despair into the light of hope and love.   

God wants us to live in breakthrough.

Plan for Success

““Over the years, I have observed that those who accomplish the most in this world are those with a vision for their lives, with goals to keep them focused on their vision and tactical plans for how to achieve them. Knowing where you are going and how you expect to get there can bring meaning, purpose, and accomplishment to life.”

— Russell Ballard

You will tend to live in a random, reactive life and end up going around in circles, or you will get serious about a spending significant amount of time in yearly, monthly, weekly and daily planning sessions.

Planning (The Right Questions):

1) What are my top goals (what I see for my life)?
According to Bredon Burchard, this tends to divide into 3 areas:
a) What kind of person do I want to be- what kind of character do I want to develop?
b) What kind of relationships do I want to have? and
c) What contributions do I want to make in this world?

2) Are these really my goals?
Any Pudicombe suggests that this is a huge question. Do you wonder why you’re hesitate to do anything toward that one goal of yours? Often, it’s because you don’t really want it.

3) Within my goals, what are my current top 1 to 3 projects- projects that, if completed, will significantly move me toward the visions described above?

According to Sean Covey, your willingness to deeply focus on 1 to 3 projects (not 10), minimizing your commitments to the other projects, for now is the number one element of success toward your life visions.

“Being willing to hibernate some projects (even some awesome ones) is the oxygen your key projects require to live and thrive.” - Yoda  

So little time. So Many Projects.

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done.” - Steve Jobs

Examples of projects within goals:
a) Within my goal of being a loving, present, husband (father could be: Create a family reunion in December.
b) Within my goal (or life vision) of assisting citizens of the world toward greater health and vitality could be: Create the world’s best collection of organic recipes ever.
etc.

3) As I look at these top projects what are the most important actions, right now?
Daily: What 3 actions could I complete today that would move me forward on this?
Weekly: What are the most important goals, this week, that would move me forward?
Monthly planning: Same question.
Yearly planning: Same question.

4) What specific actions could I put directly in my Google Calendar and when?- including blocks time for the essential dimensions of creating my visions, which are (according to Brendon):

• Sharpen the saw time (A-Choice Routine)

• Family Time

• Creative Time and

• Big Action Time (the big, juicy actions that will move your goal forward)

• Free Time (Down time. Regenerate)

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How am I doing?

At the end of each day, ask yourself “How am I doing?”
If, each day, your lists just keep getting longer consider these questions:

1) Are you putting actions in a step by step list for today, or even better, directly in your google calendar? (or just leaving them stranded in your different, project lists)

2) Are you letting less important things get in the way of important actions?

3) Are you willing to archive some projects that others may live?

4) Are you willing to take the extra and sometimes agonizing time to delegate, train and empower others?  (This is often the big key).

---

Time Management

Guiding Principles & Practices

• Planning first.  Action 2nd. Carpenter’s rule: “Measure twice, cut once”

• Be prayerful. Be inspired. Ask for God's guidance. Time spent in prayer doubles the effectiveness of time in action.

• Meditate on the why.  Think of the people who need your inspiration, your smile, your commitment to excellence, and your love.  Think of how you'll feel when it's over- as you look back with contentment and gratitude for the opportunity to come through for them, for yourself and for God.

• Make decisions vs. gathering clutter in your mind, your email inbox, your car, your kitchen counter, garage, desktop, anywhere and everywhere. Life is continually coming at you with decisions to make. Make them, or get cluttered to death.

• Park planned actions in appropriate lists i.e. “inbox” (when on the run), then "project 1", "project 2", or if it’s daily, in your habit tracker etc. (including at least tentative due dates) and finally in “next action” and/or calendar. By managing from these lists (vs. your head) you will be amazed at how good it feels to be, as David Allen puts it, “appropriately engaged (in the present).”

• Break goals (visions) down into small, bite sized actions. Dr. John DeMartini says that the number one cause of loss of energy is that our actions are not broken down into small enough pieces.

• David Allen’s 2 minute rule: If you can get something significant done in 2 minutes just do it! (vs. forwarding it or reprioritizing it). Bypass your planner. Bypass your google calendar.

• Put first things first and get into high leverage action - As Mel Robbins says, grab yourself by the shirt and force yourself away from secondary distractions and on to the key actions that lead to what you want. Work like there’s no tomorrow- like this is it, which leads to…

• Block time for projects and key actions in your google calendar.  

• Be satisfied and trusting with “one thing at a time.” God has your back for tomorrow. He has your back for 5 minutes from now. Live in the present. Focus on this one thing, that is right now, and then the next. “All is well!"

• Be willing to delegate (i.e. your children, co-workers, employees etc.) even if means hiring someone.  Stephen Covey once said that even if he was at his office for only 2 hours during a work day, he would spend 30 minutes of that time training and empowering his assistant. 

• Return to and stay present to your lists and calendar.
  Build trust with your brain.  "Wow, he IS coming back to those lists and to his calendar. I won't have to keep reminding him over and over."

In all of the above, remember that success awaits those who are consistent- not just those that are more talented, or better looking, or smarter etc.- no! Success awaits the consistent.

The only thing that can keep you from your objective is getting off the path that leads to it.

Stay on the path. Keep your eye on your visions (your goals). In your willingness to serve on this planet and with God as your partner, endless good things are possible through you.

Mastery Tip #1

Mastery Materials can occur as overwhelming.

Dear Mastery Family!

Mastery is not so much a project in and of itself. It's a support for getting YOUR projects done and your life mastered.

Don't worry about how much homework you get done etc. Every aspect of Mastery is only a possibility for support. Do as much or as little homework as you'd like. Remember, it's not a course and there are no grades!

We're here to cheer you on in whatever you're doing and however you're doing it.

Even if you just complete the Tuesday night meetings, you'll end up[ ahead of your own game. Everything else can be a bonus!

We love you guys!

John and Narelle

P.S. The good news is (and this is the magic of Mastery) the net analysis will show a gain. Whatever time you put in will come back to you in increased effectiveness, stronger relationships, better health, greater peace and even more money.

Click here for what we've been working on this week.