Cherlyn

…one of the most wonderful, fun, sexy, delightful women on the earth!

Tip - Read the “Notes” first, then the “High Road.”

Breaking news - Please click here to read “Agreement 3” (Very Important)

Fork in the road.

Before reviewing the steps we talked about, I want to be super honest. One, you ARE one of the best woman out there. Two, if you travel the correct road (the high road), regardless of what John does, you will rejoice in your life and your heart will overflow with happiness.

If you travel the low road it will mean years of regret and suffering. Travel the road less traveled. Travel the high road.

The High Road (Action Steps)

Give John the good news tomorrow - “John, I have incredibly strong feelings for you. I would love more than anything for us to date and to see where this goes. For me (and I don’t want to impose my views on you), the only way I can really explore a relationship and get to know you and determine what I think, is what my coach describes at the “high road” and that is to match the level of our involvement with the level of our commitment.
So yes, I feel the same way about you, including sexually. I would love to have sex with you every day. That would be awesome. But yes, I want something that’s going to last forever. And that’s going to take a while to determine. And that’s going to take me getting some spiritual power and discernment flowing back in me.”
Read the preface to and listen to this song- www.pathofpeace.org/face
Part of your dating experience with John would now mean never being in secluded place with him. This is critical right now. This may not work for him. That’s O.K. Yes, it will break your heart, but if you don’t travel the road of self respect, the chances of John rejecting you in the end are 100% (no matter what he says or does in the short run).
Attraction isn’t enough. A man cannot build his life in someone who doesn’t love and respect herself. If he can’t trust you to love yourself how can he trust you to love him. So…Give him what he needs, not what he wants. He wants sex. But for the relationship to work, he needs to fully experience your self respect. (As one speaker put it, “Don’t pay the contractor in advance or he will never finish the job.”)
Continue in mourning over letting you, God and John down through giving yourself away with no price paid. Jesus paid the utmost farthing toward your happiness. He is anxious to see you value yourself even a fraction as much as He values you. If a man wants you, then lovingly lead him along the path of commitment- this is the price of your love and commitment to him. This is the price that keeps your honor in tact.
Stay in close touch with your Bishop. Work with me as much as needed. We can have little 10 minute pit stops ever day if needed. Whatever it takes to create the support you need.
Do not pursue John. Simply note by his actions, his pursuit of you, and receive it with excitement, fun and lots of emotional and spiritual love. His pursuit of you, his choice to commit or not is 100% his business. Match his level of commitment. But if he waivers, match that with the level of your availability to others. We’ll talk more about what this looks like later.
Always validate his objections to not having sex. This is huge. Let him know how attractive he is to you. Let him know it hurts you too. Let him talk about it, but never, never, never, ever give it. Or you will lose yourself and lose him.

Notes:

“V” is in the middle of the word “Lover.” Always validate. Never make someone wrong. You don’t have to agree. But love means to validate i.e. “O.K. I think I see how you feel about this, but tell me a little more, or what did you mean when you said _________?”
Never defend. Never retaliate. Never check out (“that’s fine! I can see you don’t know a good thing when you see it.”) Just validate, and as the spirit dictates also share your perspective. Don’t share “the truth” or “the gospel” etc.
Share what you value, what means so much to you, what your vision is, what your beliefs are, but without making John wrong.
When a man gets more involved than he is committed it causes guilt. Unconsciously he knows he has dishonored a princess (a queen). His guilt throws him into confusion and a tendency to distance himself.
As a woman awakens to her honor and intrinsic value (by lovingly leading a man toward mutual respect) her man tends to awaken to his interest in her and to his truest feelings.
Truly getting to know someone and determining if it’s a good fit requires discernment, self respect and spiritual power. Though our tendency is to just jump into the love pool head first, the truth is that a realtionship in which the involvement exceeds the commitment results in a loss of discernment, self respect and power.
Picture a cup. On one side is commitment- on the other, involvement. If the cup tips toward involvement the discernment and spiritual power pour out onto the ground.
Never tell a man how great you are. It make him doubt it. Let him see it in your self honor, you compassion and your integrity.
Yes it hurts to have broken your integrity by the road you went down with John, but yes God is able to turn all things to your good. His is faithful in this promise.

In a sense, a man is like a wild horse. Part of wants to run free, grazing in whatever pasture he would like- when he likes. But the other part of him- the noble and real part, wants to be there for the one he loves- the one he serves- to hold you- to carry and protect you.

You cannot let him run free in your life. For you to come through for him, though he will buck and rear up on his hind legs, you must gently lead him to his true nature. If he chooses to show up in your heart, you must lead him, through your self-respect, through your personal boundaries, into the promise of his potential, which is to be your best friend, to cherish and protect you and as needed- to carry you through the long and sometimes scary journey of your life.