Bryan & Lassen
Next time we meet, pick up on identifying patterns and creating new ones ie. new agreements
Patterns - Negative and Positive
😔 The more Lassen holds Bryan in the space of not providing or protecting, the more Bryan feels invalidated AS a provider and protector and the more he withdraws and distrusts and feels unsafe, misunderstood, abused, used, unappreciated... the more Bryan tends to lash out. This makes Lassen distrust what he may be doing behind her back.
Current😁 The more Lassen requests clarification on what seems to be a broken agreement i.e. “what’s happening for you?” the more Bryan experiences a partnership and the greater his chances are of figuring out how to fill her needs or to align paths.
😔 The more Bryan feels criticized, the more reactive he gets and the less inclined he is to listen. The more Bryan doesn’t listen, and instead, blames Lassen, the more Lassen wants give up.
😁The more Bryan CALLS IN EARLY as he approaches not keeping an agreement (creating a flow of clarification) the more Lassen feels honored and important. Bryan’s mantra is “I keep agreements or I renegotiate - every day, in every issue, all the time, forever.
Rituals/Habits
Agreements
Clarify or delete all agreements. Put your relationship on probation. Discern whether or not you are each serious about making an even more wonderful marriage. If you each decide that you ARE each 100% serious and committed, then a) keep cheering each other on and b) continue clarifying outcomes and c) continue enjoying the fruits of marriage.
4 20 22 - In bed together by 9PM, lights out at 9:30, at least 2 out of 7 nights- “soul goal.” 3 out of 7, two weeks later, and so forth until 5 nights a week with encouragement for Bryan to bring the consequence vs. Lassen. Daily report on your progress in creating teared boundaries.
💜1st outcome: 90 min Aroma Touch within 48hrs @ time I choose (Saturday, 7:30PM or 8 at latest). And 60 min of planning/talking on whatever I want. (Sunday at time determined by tomorrow 11AM).
💜2nd outcome: 90 min Aroma Touch within 48hrs @ time I choose. And 6hrs of planning/talking on whatever I want. (+lunch break) within 48hrs
💜3rd outcome: You have 48hrs to clear the decks...then I have you for 72hrs at my disposal. No interruptions of any kind. No phone. (w/exception of energy's).NOTE: Clear, ultimate outcomes, a) moving to your Mom’s (separation) b) ultimate outcome is divorce.
Honey, I’m tempted to announce my conclusion(s), which in the past hasn’t worked out well for us. So I wonder if I could dig in and get as much clarification as I can, in every way, in every dimension of this.
Finance agreement - Coming soon!
Bryan and Lassen agree to communicate with each other before making plans or commitments with others (even family members).
Overnight date - 4 hour overview of the business. Clear goals and actions. Deadlines, Follow up times.
One hour business meeting every week.
Monthly Private Retreat for just fun and getting to know you.
Couple Prayer (We’ll revisit this later with more perspective)
Both agree- whenever the other is upset, get clarification on how you can help. "It seems like you're a little stressed, or maybe a little upset etc. Is there something I can do, or even NOT do?"
Work through the CGPS course in the background (between meetings)
Nightly Check In, every night (OR, continue your “whenever” Chit-Chat, AS LONG as you take the chance to make specific requests, as needed, daily, which is Part 2 of nightly Check-In).
Weekly Inventory (Sundays?) - a) what’s going well b) what agreements deserve review or tweaking c. larger concerns/budding agreements that may need “Love Seat.”
Continue talking about HOW to create a feeling of Lassen being the priority in Bryan’s life.
When something starts going sideways in any context, state “Something’s going on for me right now. Now sure what it is. Do you have any ideas on what either or us could do to unwind this?” (The dance studio is the perfect example). This kind of no-blame movement is the fastest way out of a conundrum.
Important Links
Training / Content - Records & Notes
Future Meetings
Target Issues for Lassen / Future Meetings
Trust in Brian (misleading on finances) - Going forward, perhaps create a system of accountability on finances.
Integrity courses - Going forward, let’s clarify attendance agreement, including skin in the game.
In general, Lassen will not live without trust. Going forward, identify mile markers toward trust and away from trust (distance from the cliff)
Would you be willing to open the present I got you for Fathers Day in 2019.
Would you be willing to tell me when we are going to do our dance class, and follow through with what you say?
Would you be willing to keep the agreement you’ve made a couple of times, when we have hit really hard things and I was at my wits end, that you will be on Integrity Courses and use the tools when we hit challenges to integrate what is being triggered in our blueprint, so we can actually move forward instead of replaying these things over and over?
Would you be willing to create protocols around communication, agreements, accountability with me, and then follow through with what we set up.
Would you be willing to apologize when you don’t keep an agreement vs. get mad at me if I say something.
Will you please try you keep your agreements or at least communicate a new plan.
Will you please respect/care about my feelings/safety when we are driving and I say I feel uncomfortable.
Notes
A lot of emotionally charged traffic jams, interestingly, are calling for practical solutions, not feeling or relationship solutions. Something you could say or do that would help heal my heart (or would feel really good inside for me).
Peace begins with separating issues and developing requests, including breakthrough along the way. This is the formula.