Managing Outgoing
Request List Protocol
Request List - 6 Steps
Request List vs. Ambush
This picture, below is a reminder of what the “Request List” is saving your from (incoming or outgoing)
”Ambush” means to give unexpected criticism or input of any kind that could imply poor performance or flawed character. Ambushes come with no warning and feature the word "you."
With the above definition, even making a request can sometimes occur to your spouse as an “ambush.” These are what I call "loaded" requests- meaning, something you’re requesting of your spouse because you believe your spouse either
a) doesn't care about you or your feelings and/or
b) puts you last and/or
c) doesn't care about your happiness.
This kind of inner story can create a heavy “load” on what otherwise could be a simple request.
This one commitment (using a Request List) will open a whole new world of love and peace. How? Reiterating Dr. Lund- take your upset and stories to that one being who is equipped and willing to absorb it- your Heavenly Father (or for many, “The Universe”). The brunt end of your accusations, distrust and disappointment etc. are not intended for human ears. Take your upset to God. Take your encouragement, and as needed, your specific requests to your spouse.
I know if feels like you need to talk right now but what you actually need is a Request List or at least some time out. Start there, not with your spouse. If the first place you go with your upset or disappointment is your request list (or to God, or time out, or a 3 mile walk, or your journal or some Breakthrough Work) the bitter edge of this issue will have softened by the time you get to your spouse. Thank goodness!
Most often, the worst time to talk about an issue is when you feel the most urgent need to talk about it.
6 Steps
Bring your upset to your “Request List”- not your spouse.
Separate and prioritize issues.
Challenge Your Conclusions.
Convert each issue to a specific requests.
Decide whether or not (and when) to make the request.
Enroll, Insert Empathy, Trust, Appreciation. Make Request.
Step 1) Bring Your Upset to Your Request List- not Your Spouse
Expanding on Dr. Lund’s advice, bring a potentially loaded (or “charged”) issue & request, initially, to God & your “Request List” (in either order)- not your spouse.
This is the secret- don’t launch! Don’t ambush! Write it down!
In other words, before starting your engine (your words), check your oil (your trust level). If your low on trust- if you’re pretty sure your spouse doesn't care, or only thinks about himself etc., do some breakthrough work before the conversation.
Emil Harker’s suggests this simple breakthrough: “Consider the possibility that at the bottom of this, your spouse wants to be happy, wants me to be happy and down deep is trying his best or at least is getting closer to trying his best.”
Emil points out that even if your spouse doesn’t care and is truly just a selfish butt, considering these possibilities softens your heart and assists you in making an “unloaded” request.
If Emil’s suggestion doesn’t hit the spot, trying taking a long walk, praying, meditating, journaling and if needed, picking some applicable breakthrough options from “The Path of Breakthrough.” (As you continue to resolve marital issues, this book comes in handy.)
The point is, do your best to not “come in hot.” Don’t land your airplane with the wings on fire. Circle the airport. Get the flames out- then land. The Request List Protocol is **your chance to circle the airport and stabilize your flight pattern before landing a significant request.
Step 2) Separate and Prioritize Issues.
Most couples cycle through some very painful “dances” (collusions) so it’s easy to end up feeling overwhelmed and in many instances, panicked, and prone to lash out and/or give up i.e.” It’s all just too much! What’s the use? Why even try?”
Breaking all your feelings, fears and issues out into distinct, separate, prioritized pieces is amazingly helpful at times like this.
Issues, upsets, letdowns etc. tend to all bunch up in layered tapestry like a big wad of wet leaves. We have to get the wet leaves away from each other or they can't dry. Interestingly, just separating the issues out out (i.e. Issue 1, 2, 3 etc.) begins to calm your emotions. Why? Because negative synergy, like positive synergy, creates emotional pain greater than the sum of it’s parts! We’re simply not designed for piles of wet leaves. But it gets better!
Now you want to prioritize issues. What hurts the most? ...2nd most etc. This step takes you even further away from “It just all hurts. It all sucks. What’s the point. I’m going to go eat worms.”
Listing and prioritizing issues, miraculously starts to breathe healing air and ideas toward solutions in and through the leaves (issues). It’s amazing.
Step 3) Challenge Your Conclusions
It’s easy to jump to conclusions and get yourself all worked up over something that may not be as it seems. Meditate on some of the following questions before deciding to make a request, or before determining what your request is.
What’s going on in his or her life right now that could be at the bottom of his behavior?
Am I sure he or she doesn’t care? …or is it something else.
Could there be a hidden message of love in his or her misbehavior i.e. Could his defensiveness demonstrate his need for your approval and encouragement- his attachment to you, his need for your love and his love for you?
Dr. John Gray points out that about 10% of upset in connection with an issue has to do with the here and now. 90% may be related to something in the past. How has his or her behavior stirred up past wounds- wounds that may be blowing this out of proportion- wounds that may still need my attention, aside from what’s currently going on?
What’s happening (or not happening) in my own life, currently, that could be making me more sensitive? What’s missing?
Is it possible that I’m making my spouse responsible for my feelings of self-acceptance, happiness or feeling enough?
What am I not seeing?…in general.
What am I not seeing about what my spouse wants or needs?
What am I not seeing about who my spouse really is vs. what I’m making him or her up to be in my mind?
For more on challenging your conclusions, go to www.pathofpeace.org/breakthrough. This is your chance to get a whole new take on each issue and hurt you’re experiencing. After Breakthrough work, you may even decide to shelf the issue and the request, at least for now.
Interestingly, this step can easily switch places Step 4 (formulating a specific request). Determining a specific request tends to almost magically calm hurt and frustrated parts of you. Determining a request turns out, in many cases, to be the breakthrough from upset emotions you’re seeking.
Step 4) Convert upset to a specific request.
After getting time out and/or doing some breakthrough work, a request will naturally emerge in your mind. This is where a lasting relationship is born- in thoughtful, heartfelt, unloaded, specific, affirmative requests. This is also where overwhelm and panic begin to dismantle. How is this? Because if I can see and then present to my beloved, a specific path to what I need, I’m instantly infused with hope! It’s all so strangely simple!
General to Specific
I’ve watched it hundreds of times in my sessions with couples. When I say, “So what would you like to specifically request of your spouse?”, I can almost see the chemistry in their brain alter, their pulse lower, and the cloud of confusion and hurt, looming over them, begin to thin.
There is something miraculous about converting angst into a specific request. I’ve never been sure what it is, but it is seems to be a great secret, held only in the hearts of the wise.
Perhaps making a request suddenly turns me from from fear and fighting to get what I need, to trust and leading you toward something believe, down deep, you want to provide (otherwise you wouldn’t be listening to me making this request).
Perhaps it is in making a specific request that I suddenly see a path of love we could walk, that was previously clouded by my fears of never fully coming together with you.
Perhaps, my own story of distrust, ringing in my ears is just suddenly quieted by your response to specific vs. general. As Garrison Keller put it, general is torture, specific is happiness. General is “Can’t you just please care more?” Specific is, “Would you be willing to take a minute when you come home to ask me how my day was?”
Step 5) Decide whether or not and When to make the request
After you’ve cooled down (including Breakthrough Work) if an issue continues to exist on your “Request List”, seek inspiration for when to bring it up (see below). In general, refer to your “Request List” regularly to see if issues and requests still seem important enough to actually make, or if some of them are just a magnifying glass on the negative (an easy tendency for humans). You decide.
Here’s some options on when to make the request.
a) Nightly Check-In - a gentle and systematic way of guiding each other toward a better relationship.
b) If you have plenty of trust built up in each other's emotional bank accounts and if your desire is to lovingly guide your spouse, then anytime your spouse seems available could be a good time.
c) For sensitive topics which could go sideways, consider making a time for a “Peace Talk” (a conversation with the "Peace Talk” guidelines in mind), or for even more structure and safety, a Love Seat, ideally during your Weekly Inventory.
d) Never (often, a wonderful option) - For any request- small or large, you always have the option of dropping the issue and request altogether (at least for now). This means to water the flowers for a while, not the weeds. I’m not suggesting sweeping your feelings under the carpet or continuing in your suffering. I’m suggesting being inspired about which issues are worth talking about, when. Click here for more on this.
Step 6) Enroll, Empathy, Trust &/or Appreciation, Request
Regardless of when you make the request and especially if you’ve chosen to make it off the cuff (i.e. not during Nightly Check-In etc.), you’ll want to enroll, headline, insert empathy, trust and/or appreciation. These are wonderful elements to master in couching any request!
”Enrollment”- means creating an emotional space where the person you’re talking with feels like he or she is choosing (or “enrolling”) into the conversation vs. being cornered or broadsided.
For smaller issues and requests you could say something like, “I wanted to mention something I want to ask you (or I have a request I’d love to make). Is this a good time?”
Note to the ladies: John Lund explains that when approaching a man with a request, he wants to know 3 things:
How much time will this conversation take?
How bad will this communication hurt? (Wow much trouble is he in?) and
What, specifically do you want him to do?
With this in mind, you could say something like, “I’ve got something. It will only take a few minutes. It’s not a big thing and I’ve got a very specific request.”
If it's a smaller matter, you usually don't need a time indication i.e. “Honey, could I make a small request?” or...
If you're making the request during Nightly Check In I've always liked, "I do have a little something tonight" or anything similar (ideally while holding hands on a walk, or sitting next to each other on the couch).
If your relationship is going well, with plenty of trust built up in each other’s emotional bank accounts, you could consider your partner pre-enrolled and just jump into your request i.e. “Honey, could you do me a favor and see if you can keep the kids volume down a bit if I'm talking to someone on the phone in my office?”
Enrollment can also include giving an indication about the weight of an issue i.e. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to admit this, but there’s something that’s been weighing on me. Would you be willing to talk something through with me?”
For lighter requests, as we saw above, it’s a pretty straight forward process. For more sensitive issues, consider using a “headline” before your empathy and request. This has two benefits:
1. Tends to reduces your partner’s anxiety and defensiveness and
2. Assists you in clarifying your intent and diffuse your angst (both, big bonuses)
Example: "I wanted to talk about how your Mom has been communicating with the kids."
Then, most importantly (as Emil Harker suggests), insert empathy into your requests i.e. "I'm kind of bugged about _______________ but I know that from your side of the court it must feel like _____________.”
This empathy is so helpful because by quickly establishing that you’re just as concerned about your spouse’s experience (as yours), he or she drops his defenses even further and joins you in your team spirit toward solving the problem. (Thanks Emil!)
Finally, wrap things up with some appreciation to soften your request and then give U.S.A. request i.e. “I really do see how hard you're trying in this area. Thank you! Going forward, would you be willing to keep trying to________?” i.e. “...be a tiny bit more patient with my Mom when she goes off on a political rant? (or whatever the request is) .
Unloaded, Specific, Affirmative Requests (The secret of life)
Unloaded - Make your request *always like it's the first time {*more on this below} vs. laced in your story of upset, distrust or let down. Speak to the possibility, not the disappointment. For this, you can work through Emil's quick breakthrough above, or do even deeper breakthrough work as needed.
Specific - Point your spouse to the specific way to your heart via specific, doable, defined actions i.e. “Could you check make sure Molly (the dog) has food, right before you go to work?” vs. “Could you please be more conscious of our dog’s life and needs!?”
Affirmative - As much as possible, request something you want him or her to do, vs. not do. (i.e. “Could you be a tiny bit more patient with Mom” (as we saw above) vs. “Could you stop being such a dogmatic ______ with my Mom?”)
“Request-List Protocol” (6 Steps) recap
Bring your upset to your “Request List”- not your spouse.
Separate and prioritize issues.
Challenge Your Conclusions.
Convert each issue to a specific requests.
Decide whether or not (and when) to make the request.
Enroll, Insert Empathy, Trust, Appreciation. Make Request.
Example (using these 6 Elements or Steps)
Situation or Issue: You're concerned about the kids needing time with their Father.
Step 1) Bring Your Upset to Your “Request-List”
Avoid the temptation to ambush him at an arbitrary time. Get your list out. Put it on the list.
Step 2) Separate and Prioritize Issues
After listing it and prioritizing it, you decide this needs attention asap.
Step 3) Challenge Your Conclusions
After some meditation you decide to consider possible hidden messages of love i.e.
a) He's working too much and too hard because he wants you and the kids to have a solid future, but this leaves him out of energy when he comes home.
b) He's trying fully recharge before engaging with a human to insure a positive outcome etc.
Step 4) Convert issue to specific request
In this case, decide when and specifically how much time you’re suggesting.
Step 5) Decide Whether and When
You decide to bring it up after dinner.
Step 6) Enroll, Empathy, Trust &/or Appreciation, Request
💜 Enrollment “Babe, there's something I want to request if you have a moment. Would this be a good time? It will only take a minute.” (You both decide to do it during your “Nightly Check-In.”)
💜 Empathy “I'm concerned about the kids not spending enough time with you. As I've thought about it I really get it how much you need to wind down after work and go brain dead for a few minutes... “ etc. You could pause here to give him or her a chance to to bask in your empathy, then....
💜 Trust/Appreciation ”I know you’re always anxious to come through the best you can for the kids and me and I really appreciate taking some time with me on this. Thank you. So my request is this:
💜Request “Would you be willing to play with the kids after dinner for about 20 minutes or so, every night?"
Other Examples of U.S.A. requests in connection with varying issues using 6 steps (or elements) above.
Would you be willing to call me if you’re going to be home late?
Do you think we could take a walk every night for 10 minutes and hold hands?
Would you be willing to ask for clarification if I’ve done something to upset you?
Thanks for letting me get this out on the table and I know you don’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I wonder if, going forward, you’d be willing to tell jokes that involve anything but sex?
Note that for any of these examples to be effective, you would insert empathy (as seen in the example above).
Like it's the First Time
Dr. John Gray gives one of the greatest tips ever on making unloaded requests. This tip mainly applies to making requests off the cuff (whenever), as mentioned above. Here's the tip: No matter how many times you've made the request, make it like it's the first time.
😊 Like it's the first time, every time:
1st request: “Honey, I know it's hard 'cause you're doing so much at once, but when I'm on a business call in my office do you think you could encourage the kids to play a little more quietly, or to go outside or in the basement?”
2nd request: “Honey, I know it's hard 'cause you're so busy, but when I'm on a business call in my office do you think you could encourage the kids to play a little more quietly, or to go outside or in the basement?”
3rd request: “Honey, I know it's hard, but when I'm on a business call in my office do you think you could encourage the kids to play a little more quietly, or to go outside or in the basement?”
😟NOT like it's the first time:
1st request: “Honey, I know it's hard 'cause you're doing so much at once, but when I'm on a business call in my office do you think you could encourage the kids to play a little more quietly, or to go outside or in the basement?”
2nd request: “Honey, I'm not sure what's going on, but when I'm on a call in my office, would you please encourage the kids to play a little more quietly, or to go outside or in the basement?”
3rd request: “Honey, like I've asked a thousand times before, when I'm on a business call in my office, I am begging you to keep these insane kids of our quiet for just a freaking few minutes! Is that too much to ask?!”
4th request: “O.K., that's it, it's like you're not even hearing me. Do you want me to die of a heart attack? Do even care that I've been working my butt off every day to make sure we have a home and food!? No! You don't! Please, tie the kids up if you need to. I'm going crazy!”
The Magic of "Like it's the First Time"
When you bring a request, each time like it's the first time, your spouse, instead of hearing your story or upset (as discussed in Basics), hears and registers your actual request. How is this? Because your spouse will hear what you're bringing, more than what you're saying.
If you're bringing disappointment or distrust to the request, that's what he or she will hear- not your request.
This is the magic: by guiding yourself toward "like it's the first time" language (and tone of voice) you are: 1) affirming your confidence in his or her love for you to yourself! and 2) You're awakening your spouse's natural care for you, which, without your trust, becomes buried inside his or her defensiveness and shame.
After enough requests, your spouse, finally starts saying to him or herself, "Wow! he (or she) must really trust me. Otherwise, now that he's on the 18th request, he'd be freaking out! I love this guy! I want to come through for him!" See how this works?
Launching Request-List
Overarching formula on when to make a requests
Before your official launch (below)- a quick and important perspective on when to make requests.
Remember that 90% of your communication ought to be chit chat or non volatile topics. In other words, have a relationship vs. talking about your relationship.
The water of love and and joy in your relationship becomes stagnant without the oxygen of non-issue chit chat (fun, relaxing communication).
Making requests in a positive way is huge. But even bigger, is getting to know and enjoy the person receiving your requests. O.K., with that said, time to launch:
Launching Your "Request List"
1) Determine where your personal, private, request list will be (i.e. a notebook, google docs, notion app etc.).
2) Sit knee to knee with your spouse.
3) Putting your right hand on his or her heart (or holding his or her hands in yours) “_________________ (spouses name) “From now on, my upsets go to God and/or my Request List. My love and my specific requests go to you.
4) Take a 10 to 30 minute walk sometime later with your spouse (ideally, same day) to talk about the Request-List Protocol. If this is your first night of coaching you could also share about “Relationship Cleanse."
Talk about something that has struck you about all of this. Make your share just about you - your feelings and perspective. Nothing you say should imply anything about your spouse. Do not comment on each other’s shares, other than some nods, and maybe a little “Yes, I understand,” or “Mm hmm” and/or “Thanks for sharing this with me.” Nothing more.
Making a Request - Rehearsal
If you’re a personal coaching participant, you can do this on our zoom call. Otherwise, go head and practice.
1) Pretend something your spouse says or does really bugs you.
2) Physically get up from where you are and discreetly walk over to your phone or list app (where you keep your "Request List").
3) Jot down a tentative request related to your issues. (So tricky aren't you? He or she will probably just think you're texting someone. But if questioned just say, "I'm protecting my love for you. It's so fun. Thanks for asking" or "just taking a little note so I can continue to walk the path of peace. Thank you for supporting me in this" etc.)
4) Enjoy the peace in this moment. Isn't it nice to not go right to war? - to let an issue cool down before addressing it? Welcome to this new world. 😀
Conclusion
Conclusion (Stop Talking. Start Breathing).
Managing your need for instant resolution
Some time ago, during a dip in my own consciousness, one of my greatest teachers, DoriAnn Stubbs drove up to a campsite that my family was at. She'd driven 4 hours. I was sitting in the kitchen of a resort home we were staying in. I heard DoriAnn and her family's car pull up (they were spending the weekend with us). She virtually ran through the front door, sat down at the kitchen table with me and said, "I've got a message from God." I was ready. She then uttered four of the most important words I have ever heard: "Stop talking. Start breathing."
This was the mother lode- the whole thing in just 4 words. Why on earth would you want to talk if you’re unconscious, full of your story, swimming around in your reactive mind and generally incapacitated? You wouldn’t. So don’t. Don’t talk.
Fear is a destructive master. One fear, discussed above, is that you will sweep this issue permanently under the carpet and never have your needs met unless you launch RIGHT NOW, while your emotions are high.
The other fear (even stronger) that drives charged ("loaded") communication is our fear of disconnection from our love source. We think "I know if we could just talk this out right now, we could get this solved and I could feel secure again." Makes sense, doesn't it? This thinking usually backfires.
The moment you start to feel disconnected from the one who's love you so desperately need, stop talking and start breathing (unless you both you feel inspired that, even though there are some hurt feelings, a peaceful conversation may be just the right thing. You decide. See Managing Incoming).
In most cases, however, you’ll want to go to your Request List, determine a request, write in your journal or do breakthrough work and pray to see the truth- to understand your spouse's hidden message of love, or what he or she is going through, or know the truth of who you really are vs. what he or she is implying etc.
If you've already rushed in with your demand to “work it out right now”, and you can see where it's going, you could even say something like: “Maybe this isn't a good time for me to be talking. I think I need to breathe and pray for a while. We’ll get back to this later.” Then go for a walk and get some time out.
While in your in “time out”, consider asking God to put you in touch with your feelings. Getting present to your feelings and/or journaling can always be a first stop in breakthrough. Here’s why:
In a sense, your feelings have almost nothing to do with your spouse.
Your feelings are in you, not in him or her. The problem is, you don’t know what you feel. You are like a blind man in a room full of wild dogs- flailing around, grabbing at ways to protect yourself.
In getting present to your feelings you gradually realize that there are no dogs- that there is nothing to protect yourself from, because what hurts is in you.
This is the secret; feel your inner pain- your doubts, grief- things you've stuffed down inside because the more you feel, the less inclined you are to toward your fight and flight coping mechanisms (defensiveness, shut down, arguments, coercion etc.). Hallelujah!
So, going back to DoriAnn’s advice, by saying nothing, and pointing your attention inside vs. out, instead of acting out you can spend some time with God, in. This is what Jesus perhaps meant when He said, “Come unto me, ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Working out your feelings with your Heavenly Father (not your spouse) is often going to make the most sense.
Talking it out with your spouse should only happen if you are both at peace and you are ready to make a specific, affirmative request. Of course, in these kinds of conversations there are fears and insecurities you'll be working through, but not so much that you are removed from peace and the ability to communicate rationally.
In general- go in first, then out.
Fear & Panic - Good Signals to Stop Talking & Start Breathing
Fear and panic are so human and so understandable. Fear can be very helpful in signaling your need for action, but in fear, communication about issues is very rarely the best action.
If you are feeling fear in connection with anything you’re saying or are about to say, stop talking, deal with the fear first (the back part of your brain- fight or flight), then come back and deal with the issue.
Then, in your right mind, consider the centering questions, evaluate costs and benefits and stay, if you are in peace, in the conversation as long as it takes and as many times as it takes to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution. All of this will usually require the request list protocol.
Urgent note: This page and these guidelines- all of them (above) are for you, not your spouse.
The Magic of Using a Request List
By listing a request for a change of behavior, you have already entered the realm of breakthrough- emerging from your stories of distrust so you can bring your request to your spouse, not your story. How is this?
When you write down a request for a change of behavior, the issue and your feelings about it move from the inside of you to the outside of you (on to the piece of paper). The upset is no longer you, but something in itself- like a ball you are holding in your hand (vs. the ball being you).
Listing a request (in writing) will assist in transforming you from a helplessly, upset, crazy version of yourself, to a calm, objective observer of your own feelings.
The Request List Protocol initiates another wonderful miracle: As you list issues and requests, you will begin to experience each issue as separate from each other vs. bunched up like a pile of wet leaves. This instantly makes your concerns and requests seem more manageable and it is this very sense of calm that will enable you to effectively make an “unloaded” request.
Listing your requests for a change of behavior allows requests that are truly worth addressing to maintain priority and issues that are petty to slip down in priority and perhaps even be dropped.
The worst time to make a request is when you feel the most urgent need make it. You do NOT want to come to this kind of communication “hot.” Use a request list! Bottom line: If you do not use a Request List, your unconscious, panicked self will by pass your rational self i.e “If I don’t talk about this right now, I’ll end up just sweeping this under the table, or minimizing it- It will never be addressed and I will never feel safe or loved. I’d better launch, immediately!! “(and BOOM, all hell breaks loose). Not a good program.
If you do use a Request List, it is a calming message to your soul…”Everything’s cool. We’ll get to this. I’m O.K. Life is good. We’ll get to the issue, for sure. It’s on my list. I’ll wait until the right moment, i.e. Nightly Check-In or Weekly Inventory.
Table of Contents
Managing Outgoing (Request-List) Mantras
💙 Instead of ambushing my spouse, I use my Request List (Yay!!) Unless I am sufficiently peaceful, trusting, and inspired, I wait until Nightly Check-In or Weekly Inventory to address my issue, or drop my issue and request all together. If I do make a request, I do so in a sane state (U.S.A. Requests).
💙 I am at peace before I speak I work through my story before talking about an issue or making a request i.e. I pray, work out at the gym, take some time-out, walk, pray some more and/or use the Breakthrough Book. I do whatever it takes collapse my upset, distrust or victim story surrounding this issue or request before approaching my loved one.
💙 I consistently assure my spouse that my feelings are about me (not him or her).
💙 I trust my spouse actually wants (like me) to create a relationship that works for both of us.
💙 If, in approaching an issue or request with my spouse, he or she becomes offended, I immediately change my objective from exploring solutions to understanding his or her world (completely).
I understand that I cannot conflate these two objectives. They don’t mix. Once I’m convinced that my spouse feels completely understood, then if inspired, I can go back to the first conversation (making a request and/or solving a problem).
To avoid the temptation of conflating these two conversations, I usually get some time between them.
💙 I take care of my spouse's heart. I show an "increase of love" before, after, during (whatever it takes) so that he or she connects with my hope, my needs and my love- not my disappointment.
💙 I present my requests, discuss solutions and/or explain my boundaries, not to get my way, but rather, so I can feel even closer to my spouse.
💙 This is how I travel; in calm, in peace, in sanity, in trust, in one unloaded, specific request at a time. This- the power of the affirmative (speaking to the possibility- not the disappointment) is the fuel that drives the human spirit, breaks down walls and builds bridges between even the most wounded hearts. Praise God for assisting me in walking the Path of Peace.