The Relationship Cleanse is to cleanse your relationship from toxic build-up resulting from issues conversations i.e. disappointments, disagreements, who's right, who's wrong, who's fault it is, why you’re partner isn’t cooperating with your plan for his or her life etc.
Talking about your relationship (in this sense) usually results in not having one.
1) One to Fourteen days, depending on what you both feel good about, or, on what your coach recommends.
2) Zero conversation about issues or sensitive subjects unless it’s time-sensitive.* All conversation is directed away from issues or anything that could even imply disappointment, disapproval, judgement or upset regarding your spouse's performance or character.
3) During this time list all issues and sensitive matters on an issues list.
*For time-sensitive issues during a "Cleanse" we suggest a private coaching session. Text Narelle at 801 548 8212 to make an appointment, or just put it on your issues list.
What to talk about during a cleanse:
Everything else! The weather, history, favorite childhood memories, common interests, T.V shows, movies, your kids (as long as there is zero implication of your spouse's poor performance), health issues, favorite recipes, etc. Remember when you were dating? (before getting married). What did you talk about?
A "Relationship Cleanse" a wonderful alternative to the stale, day to day diet of issues, misunderstanding and disappointment.
This can also be a great launch for Nightly Check In & Chit Chat
NOTE: If you haven’t met with John or Narelle, you might want to hold off on the Nightly Check in & Chit Chat .
After your initial cleanse, do a maintenance cleanse as needed, and as mutually agreed. If you're not in agreement about whether to do a cleanse, review Managing Incoming and “Managing Outgoing.” That will hold you over.
1) During a cleanse you can talk about issues you have with yourself i.e. regrets regarding your own performance, un achieved goals, fears, questions about life, religious or spiritual questions or feelings etc. You simply must be super careful to not say anything that could implicate your partner. Keep it close to the heart! There really is so much to share about yourself. You just don't remember how because you've spent years talking, not about yourself, but about him or her!
2) A Relationship Cleanse assumes that you are willing to do breakthrough work, privately vs. stuffing your feelings or fostering resentment because of not being able express your feelings until the cleanse is over.
Dr. John Lund suggests taking your victim story, upset or feelings of disappointment to the one being who is totally willing to hear you, God- not your spouse. Take your U.S.A. request to your spouse (See Nightly Check In & Chit Chat ).
Note: Breakthrough work means, prayer, fasting, exercise, reading scriptures, taking long walks, singing hymns, writing in your journal and/or any other process that serves to dismantle your victim story, fixed agenda for your spouse, and/or your quiet little seething fit. Click here for more on breakthrough (Password changes each quarter. Text John or Narelle).
3) Tokens from Sponsor: A fun custom to consider for your cleanses
If you both agree, going forward, who ever calls for a cleanse also supplies 2 or more special compensation tokens for this cleanse (depending on how long your cleanse is). These tokens can help restore your emotional bank account with your partner, which can go into the red because of asking for a cleanse.
Tokens could be home-made cookies, a back or foot rub, date to a favorite restaurant, being willing to watch the kind of movie your spouse wants to watch, doing an act of household service that you've been putting off like cleaning the garage etc.
4) The Relationship Cleanse (not discussing any issues) is something you will want to continue to do on all date nights, even after your initial cleanse.
STATISTICS YOU SHOULD KNOW
Conversation about your relationship. [Chances of having a successful experience: Low to None]
Conversation about life, ideas, movies, nature, dreams, childhood memories etc. [Chances of having a successful experience: Very High*]