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Relationship Clease - Table of contents

introduction - why a relationship cleanse

The Relationship Cleanse is to cleanse your relationship from toxic build-up resulting from issues conversations i.e. disappointments, disagreements, who's right, who's wrong, who's fault it is, why you’re partner isn’t cooperating with your plan for his or her life etc.

Talking about your relationship (in this sense) usually results in not having one.

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1) Decide how long your cleanse will be i.e. 7 to 21 days.

2) During this time, do not not about your relationship (or any sensitive subjects).
Completely avoid any conversations or comments about expectations, where you’d like to see your relationship in 5 years, what went wrong between you, who’s fault it is, what your spouse doesn’t understand, what you need from your spouse, or anything that could even imply disappointment, disapproval, or judgement regarding your spouse's performance or character.

If you have an issue that’s time sensitive, meet with your coach, or put it on an issues list to talk about after the cleanse.
Click here for what to talk about.

3) Please read this entire page, including all the notes at the bottom before proceeding.

4) If you’re working the 21 day program, don’t worry about other links on this or other pages. Please do NOT get ahead of yourself.

5) Text or write all operational requests to spouse.
i.e. “Hi Honey, would you pick up the laundry on the way home from work?” Do not make any verbal requests. Do not make ANY personal requests.

6) During your cleanse, list all issues and sensitive matters on an issues list.

7) The Relationship Cleanse (not discussing issues) is something you will want to continue to do on all date nights, even after your initial cleanse.  

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What to talk about during a cleanse

Everything else! The weather, history, favorite childhood memories, common interests, T.V shows, movies, your kids (as long as there is zero implication of your spouse's poor performance), health issues, favorite recipes, etc.  Remember when you were dating? (before getting married).  What did you talk about?  

A "Relationship Cleanse" a wonderful alternative to the stale, day to day diet of issues, misunderstanding and disappointment.  

This can also be a great launch for Nightly Check-In
NOTE: If working through the 21 days, hold off on the Nightly Check In.

After your initial cleanse, do a maintenance cleanse as needed, and as mutually agreed. If you're not in agreement about whether to do a cleanse, review Managing Incoming and “Managing Outgoing.”   That will hold you over.

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a) This can be done as a couple, or solo i.e. “Honey, I’ve been reading about “Relationship Cleanse” and I’ve decided to do this for 21 days. Here’s the link to it. I’d love for you to join me. It’s totally up to you, but I’m doing it no matter what.”
IMPORTANT NOTE: This does not mean you are not allowing your spouse to talk about your relationship, or his or her disappointments etc. It means that you aren’t talking about your relationship, your expectations, your upset, your agenda for your spouse, your observations regarding his or her poor performance in any area or your opinion of his or her character flaws. For 21 days you are deciding to cleanse your soul from this kind of toxin. HOWEVER, if he or she wants to talk and if you feel you have the emotional space to listen, then listen.

b) A relationships cleanse doesn’t mean to stuff your feelings. It means that for a time, you will take your upset, hurt, and disappointment to that one being who is willing and wanting to hear you at all times - God. After your cleanse we will work together in mastering the articles of peace and love seat. Through this sequence- a relationships cleanse and then learning how to effectively manage issues, you will experience a new sense of peace in your relationship like never before.

For time-sensitive issues during a cleanse ,we suggest a personal coaching session.  Text Narelle at 801 548 8212 to make an appointment, or put your issue on an your issues list.

 During a cleanse you can talk about issues you have with yourself i.e. regrets regarding your own performance, un achieved goals, fears, questions about life, religious or spiritual questions or feelings etc.  You simply must be super careful to not say anything that could implicate your partner.  Keep it close to the heart!  There really is so much to share about yourself.  You just don't remember how because you've spent years talking, not about yourself, but about him or her!

e) A Relationship Cleanse assumes that you are willing to do breakthrough work, privately vs. stuffing your feelings or fostering resentment because of not being able express your feelings until the cleanse is over. 

Dr. John Lund suggests taking your victim story, upset or feelings of disappointment to the one being who is totally willing to hear you, God- not your spouse.  Take your U.S.A. request to your spouse (See Nightly Check In & Chit Chat ).

Note: Breakthrough work means, prayer, fasting, exercise, reading scriptures, taking long walks, singing hymns, writing in your journal and/or any other process that serves to dismantle your victim story, fixed agenda for your spouse, and/or your quiet little seething fit.  Click here for more on breakthrough (Password changes each quarter. Text John or Narelle).

f) Tokens from Sponsor: A fun custom to consider for your cleanses
If you both agree, going forward, who ever calls for a cleanse also supplies 2 or more special compensation tokens for this cleanse (depending on how long your cleanse is).  These tokens can help restore your emotional bank account with your partner, which can go into the red because of asking for a cleanse.  

Tokens could be home-made cookies, a back or foot rub, date to a favorite restaurant, being willing to watch the kind of movie your spouse wants to watch, doing an act of household service that you've been putting off like cleaning the garage etc. 

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  • Conversation about your relationship. [Chances of having a successful experience: Low to None]

  • Conversation about life, ideas, movies, nature, dreams, childhood memories etc. [Chances of having a successful experience: Very High]

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