Important note: There is a lot to consider in agreement 2, 3 and 4.
Pace yourself in your study of this. Be inspired. Do what feels best for you, even if it is just coming to the meetings, or listening afterwards.
Highlights: To trust or not trust
From 0 to 2 years old we decide whether to trust or not trust. To some extent most of us decided to not trust. Our distrust keeps us from seeing positive possibilities and from effectively navigating through interpersonal issues. We cannot even see the person we have an issue with. We only see our story of distrust about this person.
But we can breakthrough from our distrust, to trust, and begin to see positive possibilities in every situation and in every relationship.
This kind of unconditional trust is different from earned trust. The private information you share with a friend, the level of responsibility you extend to an employee, the level of involvement you enjoy or privileges you extend with a loved one are based on how much trust this person has earned.
Unconditional trust simply means that you are looking for reasons to trust, vs. reasons to distrust.
1) Pick at least 2 breakthrough disciplines to practice. Keep the list close to you (i.e. your list making app and/or your bathroom mirror etc.).
Practice breakthrough every day as needed. We're talking just minutes sometimes. For deeper results, take more time.
Favorite Breakthrough disciplines from the Breakthrough Book
For more information on any of the below, click here.
*Notice - Without self-judgement, just breathe and notice i.e. "Hey, I've got a story about this.")
*10 Step Breakthrough that we do in class.
*Hidden Message of Love - What is the hidden message of love underneath this person's behavior?)
*Look for yourself as the cause
*Compassion Process - Join the human race.
*Notice (Without self-judgement, just breathe and notice i.e. "Hey, I've got a story about this.")
*Healing Mirror (How is he or she me? Am I willing to see myself in his/her misbehavior?)
*Betrayal Turn-around (How am I doing to this person what I feel he or she is doing to me?)
*Service (Connect with your own love for this person, and his or her love for you, by serving him or her)
*ARP (12 Step. Materials. Click here.)
Your conversation is either about the dot (the content), or your story about the dot (your doubts, your distrust, your upset). Notice when you are in your story.
When talking to someone, if you find yourself approaching any level of conflict or upset, interrupt yourself! Explain to this person - "Excuse me. I'm sorry. I've been taking a class lately about these very kinds of moments.
I think that right now I am currently what they describe as 'being in my story.' So would you excuse me? I'm going to go do what we call "breakthrough work" and/or "Let's come back to this once I've dropped my story. In the meantime, what else is going on with you?" (i.e. return to chit chat).
Additional Homework Opportunities:
2) Practice "Presence" through "Real Life Meditation"
Be completely present to everything you're doing. If you're washing your hair, you aren't also planning a meeting. If you're washing the dishes, you're just enjoying the sensation of this opportunity with nothing else going on in your head. As with "One thing at a time" you will notice thoughts of the future, or tasks that pop into your head and you are willing to simply let them pass through you.
Supercharged, EXTRA Homework Opportunities:
3) Empathetic listening
Pick a person to talk with and a subject that evokes two different points of view i.e. politics, religion, house rules, office policy. Your first choice is your spouse. If you’re not married, choose an office buddy, son or daughter, best friend etc.
Have your spouse, family member or friend share his or her feelings on a subject you already know you disagree on. After he or she has talked for a couple of minutes, ask if you can take a moment to "validate" what he or she has said i.e. “What I hear you saying is… Have I got it? Is there more?” 5 to 10 minutes, each way. Please allow and respect this person's feelings. Don’t make him or her wrong. Make him or her feel heard and understood.
Reverse the direction of listener and speaker and repeat the above process.
This exercise is to train your mind that people are capable and worthy of your trust. They just need a little training. To just hear someone, without making him or her wrong, is the height of love and the apex of trust. Giving someone a chance to do this for you creates a space for trust.
Further along this line, this exercise is to train your mind toward a new reality: just because someone sees something differently doesn’t mean he’s trying to kill you. Check your pulse after the meeting. You’re still alive, aren’t you!!?
Agreement 2 Premier image, from “Back to the Future”
Back to the Future (Bad sound. Turn up volume as high as you can)
What will you see? What will be real for you?
It's all true (the love, the hate, the goodness and the darkness), but what will you decide is real?
Unconditional trust is a constant prayer to God that He will give us a new heart- a heart willing to see the real and loving self trying to emerge in the people we love.
But only you can decide what you see. Only you can decide what's real.