Agreement 9 - “Big List”
The following possibilities are to assist you in your search for yourself as the cause. This isn’t about blaming yourself, or seeing things as your fault. This isn’t about blame or fault. It’s about freedom. It’s about a desire and willingness to discover how you created, contributed to and caused your world.
In this discovery you will come out from your prison of blame and victim story and feel your heart open. Always remember that Jesus Christ has already paid for whatever you find in your search for yourself as the cause. If you can honestly see something negative you’ve done, and are willing to turn from it, through Christ, it’s as if you never did it.
If this is about a former spouse say it like it’s now. You left your soul back there, encased in a cocoon of blame and story. It’s time to break yourself out and bring yourself home.
Instructions: As you review the list, read out loud everything that seems to resonate at even the most subtle level. You may want to ask a friend to proxy for the person you’re thinking of in this review.
I’ve been blaming you for anything and everything.
I have been self absorbed. / I’ve taken you for granted.
I’ve been insensitive. / I’ve been impatient. / I’ve been careless.
I’ve been abusive (physically and/or verbally, even if it was just my consistent negative, critical attitude and commentary).
I failed to share my hurt feelings and emotionally withdrew.
I’ve been pointing my frustrations, fears and unhappiness at you.
I failed to invite you and to and inspire you to meet my needs.
I allowed myself to continue to feel uncomfortable with _______.
In my lack of healthy boundaries, I have built up resentment.
I’ve wanted your approval more than I wanted my own self respect.
I've not been appreciative for you and what you do.
I spoke to my disappointments, not the possibilities.
I have been committed to my story that you have wronged me.
I didn’t focus enough on caring for your needs or making you happy.
I’ve wanted you to see the error of your ways and to apologize to me.
I haven’t asked clearly and/or consistently for what I need
I haven’t been encouraging as you’ve tried to give me what I need.
Through my lack of boundaries, I’ve supported your half hearted efforts and/or your abuse.
I have viewed you as the source of my feelings of “not-enough”.
I allowed us to get into debt, which created strain in our lives.
When you started stepping away, I panicked, like a little baby who’s Mom was leaving him (or her). [This was a time you needed me to be strong, proactive, calm and understanding.]
To some degree, I’ve caused your negative path through my labels, judgements & stories about you.