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“I’m willing to lovingly guide you to something that works for both of us.”

Notice when you're uncomfortable with something.  Ask the 5 Centering Questions. Be willing to have a conversation.

Important note: There is a lot to consider in agreement 2, 3 and 4. Pace yourself in your study of this.  Be inspired.  Do what feels best for you, even if it is just coming to the meetings, or listening to our recordings afterwards.

Click here for Agreement 3 Blog "And"

"We didn't expect this- but this conversation (Agreement 3) was the answer to 15 years of conflict. Thank you!"
- Dr. Bridget Sheffer



1) Think of a relationship or situation that's uncomfortable for you and warm yourself up to a conversation.  

a) Prayerfully work through the 5 centering questions in your workbook (or click here). 

b) See yourself in a conversation regarding a situation or relationship that’s not completely working for you.  Say out loud (to see how it feels) some of the phrases below as you meditate on the possibility of these kinds of healing conversations (boundary conversations). Picture what you'd like these kinds of conversations to sound like, to feel like, to result in etc.

• When _________ , where I go with that is, it makes me feel ___________. 

• It’s getting hard for me that (or “to”) _________________.

•I’ve got some ideas about this that could make this work for both of us…

•What are your thoughts?

• I’m a little uncomfortable with ____. What I’d feel better about is ______

• What do you think would be best for everyone?”  

•Would you be willing to ________________?”   

•Here’s where this might be heading….    

•I wanted to let you know, I understand what’s been going on & I forgive you.  

•I’ve rethought this and I’m content to go forward with how things are.

•I know this is hard. I wish I could think of something else.  

•I’m not sure what else I can do.

2) Do Breakthrough work on your resistance to having hard conversations (boundary conversations)- your resistance to making sure that things work for you too: 

Mastery at your own level.JPG


3) Watch “Coach Carter”  (Eat healthy treats during the movie). 

4) Listen Dr. John Lund’s “We’ve Got Time” (It’s just a few minutes.  It’s so good!)

As Randy Jacobs points out, before cleansing the temple (turning over tables and driving everyone out) the Savior took time to braid the whip.  This was evidence that He wasn't bringing His story into this thing.  He was bringing His commitment.  He was standing for these people.  He was standing for God.  He was standing for the temple (His house).  He was living in His boundaries. 

It is interesting to note, also, that He didn't get much flack for His demonstration.  As you stand for people’s lives- for what’s best for everyone, in most cases, neither will you.  

“Now the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. When He had made a whip of cords He drove them all out of the temple.”

When you stand for the people you love, they tend to stand for you.  

This young man stood and paid tribute to his coach, because his coach stood for him (by chaining and locking the doors to the basketball court until these students got their grades up).   

Coach Carter came through for his team by making good on his promise: "I will support you as your coach to the degree that you come through for yourselves by maintaining your GPA-  otherwise, this gym will close and this team stops playing."   THIS is commitment.  

This is to love and to come through for people by noticing their level of commitment (Agreement 3) and responding with with the appropriate action, or "gift" (Agreement 4). 

5) Suggested Reading in order of importance:  

  1. Boundaries (paper by John on agreement 2, 3 & 4)

  2. Crucial Conversations 

  3. Bonds that Make Us Free 

James Jones.JPG

This as an amazing resource for Agreement 3 and 4 as applied to KIDS.

This is Dr. James Jones. The series is out of print or I would send you the link on how to legally buy it. But I did find it on Youtube.

You will love this. 16 CDS. Click here for "Let's Fix the Kids."