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Noticing when you're uncomfortable with something.  Asking the 5 Centering Questions.

Important note: There is a lot to consider in agreement 2, 3 and 4. Pace yourself in your study of this.  Be inspired.  Do what feels best for you, even if it is just coming to the meetings, or listening to our recordings afterwards.

Click here for Agreement 3 Blog "And"

Suggested extra reading: “
Crucial Conversations


"We didn't expect this- but this conversation (Agreement 3) was the answer to 15 years of conflict. Thank you!"
Dr.Bridget Sheffer

Agreement 3 (Boundaries) Overarching Theme: It is through my boundaries (living in the centering questions) that I protect my love for you.



1) Think of a relationship or situation that's uncomfortable for you.  

a) Prayerfully work through the 5 centering questions in your workbook (or click here). 

b) See yourself having boundary conversations with people.  Walk through, in your mind, what you'd like these kinds of conversations to sound like, to feel like, to result in etc.

2) Do Breakthrough work on your resistance to living inside the centering questions and to have hard conversations (boundary conversations)- your resistance to making sure that things work for you too: 

Mastery at your own level.JPG


3) Watch “Coach Carter”  (Eat healthy treats during the movie). 

4) Listen Dr. John Lund’s “We’ve Got Time” (It’s just a few minutes.  It’s so good!)

5) As you consider the possibility of a “whole new world” notice that change is scary.  It's so scary that even the thought of it might be making you sick (literally).  The current "you" is so comfortable with being a doormat or with making sure everyone is happy, but you, that even as the alarm is sounding, you are tempted to hit the snooze button go back to sleep.   Instead, simply notice your fear of wonderful relationships (that work for you too)  and then, as Gaye Hendricks says, wave goodbye to this old you and go on to the unimaginable.  Alleluia!! 

As Randy Jacobs points out, before cleansing the temple (turning over tables and driving everyone out) the Savior took time to braid the whip.  This was evidence that He wasn't bringing His story into this thing.  He was bringing His commitment.  He was standing for these people.  He was standing for God.  He was standing for the temple (His house).  He was living in His boundaries. 

It is interesting to note, also, that He didn't get much flack for His demonstration.  As you stand for people’s lives- for what’s best for everyone, in most cases, neither will you.  

“Now the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. When He had made a whip of cords He drove them all out of the temple.”

When you stand for the people you love, they tend to stand for you.  

This young man stood and paid tribute to his coach, because his coach stood for him (by chaining and locking the doors to the basketball court until these students got their grades up).   

Coach Carter came through for his team by making good on his promise: "I will support you as your coach to the degree that you come through for yourselves by maintaining your GPA-  otherwise, this gym will close and this team stops playing."   THIS is commitment.  

This is to love and to come through for people by noticing their level of commitment (Agreement 3) and responding with with the appropriate action, or "gift" (Agreement 4). 

James Jones.JPG

This as an amazing resource for Agreement 3 and 4 as applied to KIDS.

This is Dr. James Jones. The series is out of print or I would send you the link on how to legally buy it. But I did find it on Youtube.

You will love this. 16 CDS. Click here for "Let's Fix the Kids."


6) Other Reading:  Bonds that Make Us Free  and Crucial Conversations